Just my 2 cents.... I've been only recently diagnosed ADHD. And my partner is frustrated as hell with the ensuing depression, disorganization, and lack of interest in EVERYTHING that I seem to feel these days. So on top of my pain I very acutely feel HIS pain as well. I've been reading several posts on the topic, by the ADHD and their partners and YES! It is a super frustrating condition for anyone it touches. That being said..... Before we get hung up on Labels.... Because (sadly) my Beautiful, Wonderful, Smart, Responsible and caring SO has saddled me as an Irresponsible Scatterbrain who thrives in chaos. While I Spontaneous, Creative, Funny Me have (sadly) him with the label of Uptight, Controlling and Anal. Little bit of contradiction there, for both of us.
its simple for both parties to blame the ADD for EEVERYTHING in the relationship.... But is it fair? We are all made up of positive and negative "quirks" and opposites DO attract for everyone in all marriages/partnerships. You love what you lack, then it drives you mental!!! Whether in an ADHD relationship or not, the divorce rate is staggeringly high... Is that because 60% of the population has ADHD? Not likely, good buddies! We are MAN and we are WOMAN.... There's already a big disparity right there! We don't communicate the same way in the first place, let's face it!
I think what we are failing to realize is that ADHD is not the ONLY contributing factor to the demise of relationships. The good old adage "It takes 2 to Tangle" is very apt. Society sets ius up to think that marriage is a never ending state of bliss... And it's NOT! That is not to say that ADHD behaviours aren't frustrating... THEY ARE! So this is not an invalidating of very real feelings... It's more of a reality check for ADHDs and their partners. The marriage should motivate the ADHD partner into better understanding and managing the condition, and provided that happens, the "Non" needs to love their partner because of and in spite of ADHD. No human being on this planet is perfect and we all have room to improve. Just sayin.
PS- I have ADHD, but I practice what I preach... I would NEVER cheat on my partner out of Boredom. I never have and never will ADHD aside, I know what' commitment means. I'd rather watch paint dry for years than hurt my Guy like that. And with ADHD... That's sayin something! While some "normal" people do it to eachother ALL the time!!!!
God Bless You All!!! Xo