cant do this anymore

I'm so done. I just can't go on in a phony relationship anymore. My husband is 56, takes his meds only for work. I have never seen him on them. Therefore I get the spaced out zombie that hyperfocuses on tv every night. I dread the weekends as they are worse. He does not ever vocalize any emotions or thought, good or bad. He never criticizes me, but never has anything good to say either. He makes me feel completely invisible. We don't fight, anything resembling a disagreement consists of me ranting and him staring at me (after I rant about his inability to pull his eyes away from the tv and make eye contact) or more realistically, through me. Then all I get is his standard answers for everything: I don't know, I dont remember, I didnt realize I was doing this... I never get a different answer. And even when i tell him this is the same issue we have been having problems with and this is the same discussion we've had before, it is always as if he's hearing it for the first time. The only thing he ever wants to talk about is work, mine, because there is so much drama and he thinks its funny, his but only on a superficial level. He is a heavy equipment mechanic and he will tell me about what he worked on all day. What I would rather know is, did he talk to anyone interesting today? Did something funny happen? You get my drift. He will tell me something along those lines but it is weeks after the fact, when he remembers.

I can't give him any household or child responsibility (youngest is 16 and needs guidance still) because if it is something uncomfortable or heck, whatever, he will forget. If it is something unsavory, like call and discuss why a bill is late because he went to the ATM and saw money in the bank and went whee!, not considering that bills have to be paid, then he will avoid avoid avoid until it is forgotten and I am left to take care of it. I take care of everything. I have 100% of all household duties. Do I ask for help, sure. Do I break it down in little pieces so he isn't overwhelmed and throw a parade when he completes each piece? Yes. Is that reasonable to expect from a grown man? NO!! I just can't see the rationality of that when I have done it for the last 30 years without being told to. I have read the books, I (we) have been to counseling. None of that works when one party does all the work and the other forgets about it instantly and merrily skips on about his happy uncomplicated pampered life. I'm tired of being ignored. I'm tired of feeling unloved. Of course he tells me he loves me all the time, but when your actions are completely opposite, what am I to believe? He loves me, he didn't mean to shut the door in my face as we are leaving to go somewhere together. He loves me, he just didn't mean to look at me with a face that says I hate you ( I have a picture). He loves me, he didn't mean to yell at me when I asked him a question. A person can only take so much. I had a hysterectomy last week, minor complications a couple of days ago but I'm doing alright. He is so (mostly) hyper focused on me and I can't stand it. He will want to do something for me and yell or be just disrespectful of other people in the house. He just can't be nice to everyone. And to be really honest, I don't like it. I don't want him coddling me and hovering over me. All I want to do is just run away screaming. After a few more weeks, when I'm recovered, I'm moving out. I don't want the house. He has sat and ignored regular maintenance to the point the house is falling apart. Too many unfinished projects. I've grown to hate this house. I just want out. I can financially take care of myself. Joint custody for our youngest so he isn't taken from his home and neighborhood and friends, he is 16 and drives. I know that isn't an issue, he can be with us both. I have told my husband I want a divorce but it seems as though since I let him take care of me when I was really sick and down with the surgery that things have changed. Its like he forgot or ignores it all and refuses to face reality. I'm done.