My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for almost 11. We had our son five years ago. We've always had issues in our relationship. However, those issues seemed to come to head when we had our son. I could no longer carry the burden of taking care of everything without consistant support. My husband and I entered counseling when our serious marital issues developed. Counseling helped in some aspects. However, in many aspects, I feel it made our situation worse. We went though two counselors that were completely worthless before finding a great counselor. However, by that time, our problems had peaked and we were hanging by a thread. Our counselor was helpful, yet I felt like she was trying to push us towards divorce. I took my marital vows very seriously and I did not feel I was ready for a divorce yet. We both stopped going to counseling and surprisingly, our marriage seemed to improve. I think no longer focusing on all of our problems helped. Our marriage issues have centered around my husband's issues with porn, alcohol, his lies, and his avoidance of conflict, and his inability to recognize my needs. My husband's addiction to porn has mostly ceased. He has had one mishap recently. He didn't tell me about it and I discovered it on his phone. He went away for work and that's when it happened. I became upset, because he once again tried to hide something from me instead of fessing up. Lies and deception has been the major hurdle I just cant seem to get past. My husband has always avoided conflict and not always told the complete truth. He has lied about so many issues in our past. He has been more truthful lately and has made a lot of positive changes. However, I can't seem to get past his history of lying and when he lies again, it's like I just start to shut down. Another issue is my husband's inability to put himself in my shoes. Every discussion or argument we have, it's always about his issues or feelings. I feel like I spend all of my time comforting him or dealing with his feelings. Yet, my feelings never get addressed. I don't feel like I can move past issues unless I feel he understands how I feel. When he constantly repeats the same mistakes or lies, I feel like he hasn't understood how I feel. Because if he did, he wouldn't have done it or he would be more sympathetic. I know he is remorseful, but he internalizes it and shames himself. I just want him to understand how I feel. Frankly, I don't care anymore how he feels. I feel I have spent so much time focusing on him and his needs. What about me? How I am suppose to forgive when I feel the person doesn't even respect or understand how I feel? I don't know if I can. This is an issue I not only have with him, but my family. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel I am angry and stressed all the time. I don't know if I am just over this marriage or not. We live like roommates. I'm just tired of feeling alone and lonely. I'm direct in what I want and expect from him. When talking with others, they seem to get what I need within five minutes. Its frustrating when I've had endless conversations about what I need from him. Yet, it never happens. How do you deal with the disappointment of feeling like your never heard? How do I make him understand how I feel? He just seems to shut down and want to argue when I'm talking about my feelings.