So I'm doing pretty well with my husband's ADHD. For example, I'm not nagging. I'm not arguing, and generally letting go of my anger. I'm not making his emergencies my emergencies (rescuing). However, I cannot hide my disappointment.
There were several let-downs this weekend. He took an extra couple of days off work to finish some long over-due house projects. He got a little done (like 15%), but spent a lot of time playing video games. He didn't go to church on Sunday so he could stay home...and play video games. He's late to dinner because...he is playing video games. This morning he could not find his wallet as he is leaving town for a business trip.
So, I'm not yelling or nagging, but I'm disappointed (and sometimes hurt). This, apparently, makes my husband feel bad. It seems my disappointment makes me an unsupportive (mean) wife. Also, my disappointment is eroding his self-confidence because I don't "believe in him." (This makes it that much harder for him to work at anything). His response to my disappointment seems to be anger at my "lack of empathy." For example, this morning I didn't want to give him my debit card because it's not my fault he lost his wallet. Also. It's inconvenient for me to give him my debit card. I did--reluctantly--give him my card. But, I wasn't nice enough about it.
Anyone have suggestions of how I can discuss this with my husband in a non-confrontational manner? I know I want to keep some boundaries (I don't want his forgetfulness, losing things, etc to inconvenience me.) I want projects done, but I don't want to nag. I also don't want to be a "blind cheerleader." By this, I think I mean I'm trying to support/appreciate actions but am a little skeptical of words/promises. (I don't get too excited if he says he is going to do something.) Finally, I don't want to pretend everything is OK or just try to do everything myself.