I am a non-ADHD spouse trying to understand and support my ADHD husband. I understand that ADHDers find it hard to do a task unless it is interesting, challenging, or urgent. I have also heard it described as “they can’t” get started until the task becomes one of these three things. Question: How literal is the word “can’t”? How is a spouse to know when an ADHD spouse is unable to accomplish a task and what is to be done about it?
This is our situation:
My husband lost his job due to ADHD symptoms 2-½ months ago. He has yet to submit a single job application, and we will run out of money next week. Besides finding the contact info to a couple places for him, he has flat out refused any help from me. He’s shared that deep down he does not want to find a job, though he knows he should and must. I suspect that his overwhelm has frozen him in place. In light of him refusing help from me, should I respect that refusal even if I suspect he is frozen? Perhaps he’ll snap out of it when the sh** hits the fan and we can’t pay the electric or buy diapers…. Is there ever an appropriate time to do an ADHD version of an “intervention”? I don’t want to just sit by watching him hurt himself and destroying his future if he’s literally unable to help himself…. But how to know when the “won’t” becomes a “can’t”?
Can't vs Won't
Submitted by ShelleyNW on
Hello. I don't have ADHD but my interpretation of this conundrum is that if something isn't stimulating enough then their brains will find something that is, even though the person wants to complete a task. So basically "can't" wins. That being said that doesn't mean you have to be complacent until you are using his shirts for diapers. Work with him to make job hunting ADHD friendly. Yes job hunting is overwhelming, so break it down into smaller pieces. Take 15 minutes to I'd 3 companies that employ people with your skill set. Take a break, with a timer set to come back. Spend 15 minutes looking each up to see if hiring. Break. Repeat. Fill out one app. Break. Repeat. Good luck!