Can't Take it Anymore!

 

I'm thinking of renting a hotel room for a week just to get away from it all.  The lack of sleep because of his hyperactivity, the total and complete clutter and mess around the whole house.  I hate what this marriage has done to me in the past two years.... I sunk to my lowest last night.  He made me so angry.  We were fighting and he was pissed off so he said lets just shut off the light and go to sleep.  So I asked him to put my Bible on the coffee stand, he "tossed" it halfway across the room, and my favorite book, my Bible smashed against the wall!!! I freaked out.  I mean I really freaked, more than I ever have in my life.  I was in hysterics.  His brother told me that my husband also has a sadistic side, he likes to hurt those he loves when hes angry and i think that was one demonstration. I never had anyone ever do something so disrespectful of me.  I went into a crying rage and instead of letting me go, which I told him to he held onto me close yelling at me to calm down!  I mean wtf, i told him several times to let me go!  and he wouldn't so I shoved him, he again held onto me and wouldnt let me go so I bit his arm!  I mean this is insane.  Im a darn introvert who has never acted or been pushed to this extreem before.  Im scared of feeling this way.  I feel so angry.  BTW, my husband was diagnosed with adult ADHD last week and they said it would take 3 weeks before he could have an appointment with a nurse to get medicine!  Wtf, ive told them we are at a crisis stage.  Anyways, I really feel I need to get away, i dont have any relatives here, but maybe I can swing the cost of a hotel room. I just cant take this anymore and I dont like what its doing to me, but I am a Christian and obviously I dont want to rush into a divorce even if im miserable.  Anyways, thanks for listening, this forum has been so supportive.  

I am so sorry to hear of your

I am so sorry to hear of your frustration. I can TOTALLY understand your pain and anger, prayers coming your way

(((((HUGS))))))

Sorry for my crazy post

Sorry for my crazy post everyone.  I am doing much better thank you.  Actually, I think this big "blow out" was a result of sleep deprivation on my part.  With my husbands symtoms I work 12-13 hrs  a day and had not slept in ages.  I get only 2-3 hrs per night, seriously, i was going insane.  Anyways, after our big blow out, I moved him into another room to sleep at night.  I told him to keep all his mess in his space and sleep there until I get healthy and he does again, and until I get over our fight.  Anyways, since i moved him out and took the bedroom, I feel sooo much better. I am finally sleeping at night, and better able to do my job.  You know ive told a few people at work and one girl just laughed at me.  She said her husband has a touch of ADHD and he just excercises and it helps him, OMG!  You know people really dont have a clue, actually, I never had a clue, until I was married to someone who I believe has more than a "touch" of ADHD.  Between the sleep deprivation, living in total chaos, and the mess, its enough to drive a quiet introverted gal such as myself insane.  But there may be some hope yet.  Moving into seperate rooms has helped our marriage.  Then when were not fighting ;)  we sleep together on our nights when we dont have to be up early the next day.  I found he does good with specific lists of chores that need to be done.  ALso, we finally got into see the nurse to get medicine.  She was a nurse practitioner in mental health.  Anyways, she seconded the opinion that my husband was suffering from innatentive/hyperactive ADHD.  She perscribed him Ritalin patches and we hopefully will be going to marriage therapy as well.  He is starting on a small dosage of 1/2 patch or 5mg per day then increasing each week until we find the right dose.  Not sure what to expect, or how it will change our marriage, but we are open to all the help we can get.  I am a bit worried as the label said the medicine is a stimulant and can be addicting.  But I am more worried about him not being treating and our marriage being destroyed.  So far he has been on 5mg for 3 days.  The only thing I notice is he is a bit more calm but when he takes the patch off at night he gets very hyper and sometimes doesnt make much sense in the things he says.  But its still early, well see.... thanks again everyone for your prayers and encouragement.