This is my first post --
I'm wondering about others experience with social support from friends/family. I find that I'm unable to talk to anyone about my ADHD BF of 10 years without getting negative reactions from them, which leaves me feeling judged, not supported. I love him dearly and truly believe in our relationship, but it would be nice if I could discuss the real challenges of ADHD without being looked down on as a weak/codependent woman. Honestly, this sense of isolation is the main reason I am on this forum.
Judgement comes in many forms. My mom compared him to my ADHD step-father, who doesn't have a good personality with or without ADHD. It's hard to explain how ADHD is not who you are, it's not your personality. Some fixate on the fact that he doesn't have a job although my complaints are mainly emotional, not financial. One person said in an attempt at empathy, "I would be just devastated if something was wrong with my brain, with my thinking...that's who I am." He has made occasional rude or inappropriate comments to my friends out of impulsivity, and isn't really good at friendships in general, which leads my friends to dislike him entirely. Part of it is the stigma about mental health issues and the perception of ADHD as "laziness." They seem to think he should just work through it. The perception is "we all have struggles, look at me, look at what I've accomplished. He should be able to do the same." Of course they don't say this to my face. They know that I will defend him and that criticizing him will just cause a fight. So basically, I stay silent about my relationship with everyone. I find myself guarded even with new friends or coworkers.
The worst of it is feeling pitied, or feeling like they think I'm co-dependent, needy, obsessive, weak. They think I'm not strong enough to leave, when I never had any need or desire to leave. I'm extremely proud of my relationship, and very much in love. I just wish that I could count on my friends and family for support in my relationship. Every relationship has flaws, and ours happen to be related to ADHD.
Does anyone else have this issue???