Captain to No Where

I have a story to tell but I'm not sure how to tell it? If I tell it from the ADHD will sound as if I am making myself out to be the hero of my own story and that's not why I sharing my experience. Right now I'm exhausted, frustrated and angry. This is a cry for help and I'm the worst at asking for it. I apologize up front for my inability to do this correctly. Underneath those surface emotions...and I feel deeply hurt and troubled and fair amount of of resentment for so many reasons I don't know where or how to begin. Right now....I cannot seem to see my way outside of what just happened over the last 4 days away on vacation with my wife, her brother and some friends that invited themselves along to join us (so they said ) but actually did a hit and run on us that threw a bizarre twist into this story that has me scratching my head and at the same time....seeing my wife as a person that I cannot say I have much respect for what so ever...but even deeper than that....I cannot see any Love in her what so ever for me. I feel nothing inside but emptiness or I have no fond feelings what so ever for my wife at this moment in time. What ever feelings I was feeling for her before this time...have effectively died and I'm not seeing a lot of hope in them ever returning this time.  What ever I end up feeling towards her after this last excursion....will never be what they were before we left.

What I just witnessed over the last few days was so appalling to me I really don't have much good things to say here . I'm sorry for that up front as well. The treatment I received from my wife has taken me aback to a point of taking serious inventory or how I might proceed from here on out it's that bad. At this point in time....I am choosing to remain silent and stay that way as I feel my wife deserved nothing on my account for anything she might say or need from me in the future. I feel the last few days with my wife has only proven to open my eyes to the true person that I believe my wife really is at the heart. Black and self serving with no regard for me what so ever. These as just my feelings at the moment. I'm not sure how I will feel once my wife has anything to say IF...and when...she says anything. My demeanor is so hostile right now...I don't blame her for staying away from me.

To start with....this is just what I am honestly feeling inside and my thoughts to go along with it. Here's the story with a little back ground to go along with it.

Experience and Back Ground:  Advanced Coastal Cruising Certification: Able to safely act as skipper and crew of a sailing vessel about 30 to 50 feet in length in coastal and inland waters, in any conditions.


1. Describe true and apparent wind. 2. Describe sailing forces using diagrams. Graphically find the center of effort and center of resistance of sails and keel, respectively. 3. Describe with the aid of diagrams the causes of lee and weather helm and methods of correcting them. Include the reasons for preference of slight weather helm, sail selection (including full sails or reefed sails), mast position and mast rake. 4. Describe sail shapes and sail interactions as needed for different wind strengths and points of sail. Describe the effects on sail shape and sail interactions when adjusting the following: Luff tension, Outhaul Leech, line Boom vang, Backstay tension, Jib fairleads, Jib sheet tension, Mainsheet Traveller Downhaul / cunningham


5. Describe how to use a barometer and a thermometer independently and concurrently to assist in predicting weather. 6. Describe cirrus, cirrostratus, altocumulus, stratocumulus, cumulonimbus and cumulus clouds and the weather expected to be associated with each. 7. Describe local weather in relation to thermal winds and prevailing winds. 8. Describe three sources of weather information available in the United States.


9. Describe the proper selection of sails on a given boat for all weather conditions and give reasons for the selection made. 10. Describe appropriate heavy weather precautions and describe how they are carried out, including: Sail changes Use of special equipment such as safety harness and sea anchor Doubling up of gear Special checks in areas liable to chafe Stowage of equipment above and below decks Additional checks on bilge condition Special arrangements for towing dinghy/tender (if used) Problems of fatigue Selection of clothing The need of at least two on deck at all times 11. Describe the steps to be taken by skipper and crew for “heaving to” and “lying a-hull.” 12. Describe the methods for rafting at anchor and the possible risks with day and night rafting. 13. Describe how to prevent the dinghy/tender from riding up and bumping the vessel’s hull while anchored at night. 14. Describe procedures for securing a boat overnight with one anchor and stern made fast to a dock or shoreline. 15. Describe two methods of using a second anchor to reduce swinging. 16. Describe four different methods of recovering an anchor that is fouled on the bottom. 17. Describe when and how to use a trip line and an anchor buoy. 18. Describe when and how to set an anchor watch and the responsibilities of the crew on watch. 19. Describe how to: Prepare a towing bridle Pass a tow to another boat Get underway with a tow and which speeds to use Avoid fouling the propeller Avoid danger of towline parting under stress Make proper lookout arrangements during towing 20. List 8 of the 16 International Distress Signals found in Rule 37 of the USCG Navigation Rules and Regulations Handbook. 21. Describe how the boat should be handled and what actions should be taken when the following emergencies occur while under sail: The boat is dismasted The boat runs aground on a lee shore 22. Describe how the boat should be handled and what remedial action should be taken when the following emergencies occur while under power: The engine cooling water fails to flow The engine fails in a crowded anchorage The engine fails in a busy channel 23. State the fuel tank capacity and range of a typical 40-foot cruising sailboat and the factors that could affect its range. 24. State the water tank capacity of a typical 40-foot cruising sailboat and the minimum water requirement per person. 25. Describe the skipper’s responsibilities and action for the following common courtesies and customs: Permission to board Permission and entitlement to come alongside Permission and entitlement to cross adjacent boats when rafted Rights of first boat at an anchorage Keep clear of boats racing Offering assistance to yachtsmen in trouble. Flag etiquette: National flag, Courtesy flag, Burgee/house flag, Dipping flag Checking of boat’s appearance (shipshape & Bristol fashion, no lines or fenders dangling over side) Duty to provide assistance at sea 26. List the documents required and the procedures followed when leaving and entering U.S. territorial waters.


27. Describe appropriate measures for the following common engine problems: Stoppage in fuel line Burned and defective points Fouled spark plug/injector problems Carburetor icing (spring and fall sailing) Unserviceable starter Electrolysis 28. Describe when and how to carry out an oil change. 29. Describe the minimum pre-season inspection and maintenance for the following: Hull (including underwater fittings, electrical systems, painting, antifouling)

Spars and rigging (including electrolysis) Sails Safety

30. Describe recommended permanent and temporary installation methods of grounding for lightning. 31. List factors to be considered before allowing anyone to go swimming while the boat is at anchor. 32. Describe the danger of overhead power lines. 33. Describe the uses, capabilities and limitations of a portable radar reflector. SKILLS Boat Handling Under Sail 34. Perform the duties of skipper and crew on a liveaboard coastal cruise of at least 48 hours, including night sailing. 35. As helmsman, demonstrate the proper techniques of beating, reaching, running, tacking, jibing, heading up, bearing away and luffing in approximately 20 knots of wind. 36. Work to weather to best advantage accounting for wind shifts, tides, current and local geography. 37. Sail a compass course within +/- 10 degrees with sails trimmed. 38. Demonstrate correct methods of towing a dinghy. 39. Demonstrate a person in water (Man Overboard or MOB) recovery maneuver while sailing at night. 40. Anchor, weigh anchor, pick up and cast off moorings while acting as helmsman and/or crew. 41. Demonstrate how to take a sounding using two different methods. 42. Stand a navigation watch during a passage of at least 20 miles by night and 20 miles by day and demonstrate all of the skills elements in ASA 105, Coastal Navigation. 43. Demonstrate correct procedures for hoisting, setting, trimming, jibing, dousing and packing a spinnaker.

Unless you have any experience with boating specifically sail boats....some of these terms are not going to make any sense to you what so ever. There are terms here that you might know in context or from the definition alone....but all of these terms have one thing in common. They are specific terms to mean ONE and only ONE thing each. There is no interpretation and no alternative meaning. The reason for this is simple. So there can no confusion what so ever in any command of request made by any member on a maritime vessel at any given moment. The language is clear, and unambiguous and cannot be interpreted any other way to mean anything outside of each terms ONE meaning. The reason for this is also simple to understand. So people don't get killed.

This is the certification that I have achieved through years of training and advancement plus the experience that goes along with it. My first sailboat was an International 505...which is an International class racing shell. It is the Ferrari of racing shells and requires a two man crew with the crew man on a wire outboard the gunwhale for stability in order to sail one. That's a fancy way of saying...the the other guy who's not driving the fitted with a diaper (or harness) and is attached by a wire cable attached to the mast so he/she can hang all the way out over the water while still standing on the edge or the the side of the the the whole things doesn't flip over due to the extremely large sail and the force it exerts on the boat which would pull the boat it right into the water without that kind of counter weight to hold it upright.

By the time I ended up selling my boat....I had learned how to sail it by myself to the point where I could drive her and hang out the side and do the job of two people all by myself whole still retaining completely control and not ever go over which is a trick to do all by yourself. It was kind of like the equivalent to riding and over sized sailboard but a whole lot cooler! lol

At just under 16' was the most fun to be had without a least for a sailboat that is:) But that was 36 years ago. Since then....I've driven and crewed (both) over 30 different kinds of sailboats ranging anywhere from 12' long up to 36'....including skippering a 58 foot twin diesel engined (twin screw) motor yacht in the San Juan Islands for an entire week. And as the final feather in my cap...once, had the opportunity to Sail (at one time)...the fastest sail boat ever made which still is being used in Hawaii as a tourist pleasure boat that takes visitors out into the open ocean for scenic pleasure rides. I was aboard one of these trips and after chatting with the skipper about boats long enough...he offered me the wheel and let me take his commercial craft into harbor up to the last stages of the trip. This is a big no-no in terms of going strictly by the book...but I guess he felt confident enough to allow the courtesy since he could see my interest and my knowledge of sailing. That is.....he felt confident enough in me...just from our discussion an nothing else but my word to go on.

So when my wife and I planned a trip on a 55 ft houseboat (barge LOL )....I had little fear in my ability to handle this in comparison to every other craft I owned personally and skippered which includes: (owned) 16" Zodiac inflatable (60horse engine), Cal 26' , Thistle, the 505 and my current boat which is an old 60's Chrysler speed boat that I have just for fishing and being out on the water occasionally since my days as a avid sailor and boating person are mostly a thing of my past.

Since I was the only person with any experience with boating what so ever....I volunteered to skipper the boat and take on all the responsibilities that go along with it. I'll let my credentials speak for themselves. And even during my Captains orientation....the owner of the rental outfit stopped at one point and said he could forgo the entire orientation as long as I signed a waver stating that I had the experience that I had and agreed to abide by all the by-laws that he could clearly see in a matter of 5 minutes...that I knew as much if not more than he did about them. This was at an inland reservoir that posed no significant hazards or technical experience aside from only two: wind and a shore line with beach landing since the entire reservoir was surrounded by only large boulders and rocks. The only real danger that existed by itself...was in the process of docking and mooring for the night which required a number of the skills listed in my certification above.

For me to do this....was no problem what so ever......with the only caveat being....I had some help  in doing anything that would require me from leaving the helm while the boat was still under power. That means....I could not do this by myself without a great deal of difficulty...but it also means....that I was the only one on board with the knowledge and ability to do so which means....anyone on board at any time...was my personal and legally responsibility both for their safety...and for any damage done to the vessel under my command. the agreement I signed and waved all other rights by taking over the responsibility as Captain for 4 days ...of a huge barge of a boat with an RV stuck on top of it. lol

I'll come back and finish...since I'm just too tired to continue right now but I wanted to get a start here while my thoughts were still fresh in my mind........

I'm back, and cannot sleep.  I am so disturbed by the last 4 days I have yet to find any peace or resolution to it.  The only thing that I feel compelled to do right now is just put it out there and let things lay.

Getting right to it.  We had been under way for only a short while when I decided to take the time to do what is formally called making a "plan"...which entails going over safety and duty responsibilities of everyone aboard.  And in case anyone was, I had to delusions that this was just an informal pleasure trip on vacation and I have no delusions of Grandeur calling myself the Captain.  It's just a word and I was not using it at the time anyway.  My main concern...was simply going over all the things that I had just talked about with the guy renting us the boat...and needed to assessing some duties at specific times so help me do what I needed to do in case there was a problem.  More than anything....I needed to give some basic instructions to my wife and brother about what to do...and what not do we would not run into any problems.  I got no more than 3 sentences out before I started receiving flack and opposition mainly from my wife.  I also had no illusions on the skill level and knowledge that either one of them had about boating and was not about to give an impromptu course of boating of any kind. was made clear to me...that any damage done to the boat was out of our pockets and there were these two possible scenarios where that might occur:  wind, waves and rocks.  Not a good combination.  The second I said the word wife had a melt down and refused to take orders, suggestions or even a recommendation from me what so ever.  I never even got the opportunity to say I needed help along the way and needed them to listen so they would understand what I needed from them.  The entire conversation started with me saying..."normally....I would have done this on shore before we set off,....but we were all wanting to get under way and I don't feel the need to do the formal "Captains Briefing" with you guys."  That's all it took.  My wife immediately dismissed me and then refused to acknowledge me.  To the point....that when I said..."all I need it a yes...or no...from either one of you that you heard me and that I said it."  In jest....I even said...'an aye yie Capt'n will do."  That's when my wife blew up and refused...adamantly to listen or hear one more word I had to say.  She kept referring to her brother as if it was he who was doing the talking as she was thinking and talking for him. 

She even tried to bring him in on her refusal as if he had said anything her brothers defense.  He sat quietly and didn't say a word to the contrary but it was made very clear to me...that he wasn't listening either. Then she said."you're only doing this because my brother is here"...which I replied..."if your brother wasn't here....I'd have a lot more to say to you about this but clearly....what I have to say is of no interest to either one of you so as the signer on the dotted line....I guess I'm on my own then for this trip.  Just be forewarned....if something goes wrong and you haven't allowed me to do what I agreed to up front by going over this with you.....there will be Hell to pay and I won't soon be forgetting it.  That and any fines or money owed for damages due to your incompetents."  Later....after the events happened the way they did....her brother in private told me..."I'm not going to participate with anything that has to do with confronting my sister on anything."  Clearly....he had given up long ago with trying to win against her and what she wanted and did not want to jeopardize their relationship and needed the connection they had more than he needed a problem between the two of them. 

In a moment of clarity.....I suddenly saw the dynamic as clear as a bell.  "Do what I say...or pay the consequences.  I'll cut you off and disown you if you try and fight with me over anything.  I'm the boss...and I'm the one in charge and  "no one messes with "The Jesus."  (from the movie the big Labowski with John Turturo as "Jesus"....the pedophile bowler with an Ego as big a Texas.)  This as I see who my wife really is.  A Fucked Up perversion...of a real human being.  So insecure and helpless...that she'll hold her own brother hostage emotionally at his expense due to her own dysfunction and inability to be a kind and forgiving person.  I believe at this time....this has been a Gigantic lie that she has been selling.  There is only one kind of person who does this in my book and my intuition is telling me exactly what kind of person that really is......a Fucked Up perversion of anything moral or decent who doesn't deserve the time of day if she were to stop and ask for it from a stranger on the street.

In the course of our time on board our beautiful house boat...I for one enjoyed myself and the boat we ended up with...(as it was...I've only been on one other but this one beat all when it came to comfort and amenities: 2 bath 1w/shower, generator, microwave, stove/range, air conditioning and heat, sleeps 12, 825 sq ft of deck inside and out, inboard motor and an additional 4oo sq ft on the upper deck which was a flat top roof for sun bathing or fishing.)

  Our main focus was on fishing since her brother was into it and I enjoy it as well.  The problem with that being....I can't fish and drive the boat at the same time or do anything for that matter if someone does not come to help me from time to time.  This had not occurred to my wife until I had been up front driving the boat and her brother actually said something. This I assumed would be no problem as in all the years I've been doing this kind of thing....I have never once run into the problem that I ran into this time with my wife of all people.  I cannot tell you the level of disrespect and contempt I am feeling for her...not as my wife....but as a human being.... right at this very moment.  As I said....she cut me off at the knees within the first 15 minutes and then later on the way home...had the nerve to actually complain to me about my behavior as if I had done something wrong.

As it was....her brother as I have now come to understand....will do or say anything to not get on her bad side.  And any one on her bad side is automatically excluded from having anything good said about them.  As I lay there last night trying to sleep and they were there talking together thinking I couldn't hear wife complained up and down about me falling asleep so they could not play cards like we had planned.  The reason for this was....that as soon as I sat down for the first time that day....I immediately fell asleep from being so tired and physically beat from having to attend to everyone none stop without a break for the past three days.  That included making all the decisions and fighting off a group of retarded people who all wanted something different and had shit in their ears all at the same time. They were like a group of baby birds squawking at me like I was their Mama with a worm in my mouth!!  Unbelievable!!  As I saw this....this was a new low level in stupidity and ignorance.

And because her brother was in on this too out of his own deep insecurity and having no balls.....I was getting snide remarks thrown my way by him at times calling me
"Popeye the sail'in man."  If I could have...and somehow gotten away with it....I had a mind to accidently shove both my wife and my brother overboard and drive off pretending I didn't notice them fading into the distance while sitting in the middle of the reservoir together.  Trust crossed my mind once or twice for a brief moment or two...or three...or four.

But I was so glad that I did nothing but what I was suppose to do.  Make sure everyone was safe and make sure the boat was in order and attend to all the duties I had which were required by not only the rental agency....but by the book of rules set down by the US Coast Guard and Navy regulations that govern all maritime craft of any kind.  This is what I was doing the entire time we were the the letter...except for one important thing.  I took on all the responsibility for everything in light of the lack of cooperation and trust that I had in what I was seeing but said not one word after my wife made it clear what she refused to do anything she didn't feel like she should have to do which amounted to nothing.  As she saw it....the same as at home...if she cleaned and picked things up...that was enough.  Someone else will magically make everything else happen with her help or not.  I feel the blood pressure rising in my head right now just mentioning this now once again.  Did I forget to mention the fact....that I have ADHD?  I can't remember so I'll make sure I do at least once here?

So here's what I saw and I silently took note of what was happening.  This all lead up to the coup de grace and the icing on the cake.

My wife's friends(mine only by association with my wife)  who invited herself to come join us....told my wife that they..."might make it" and they were not sure one way or the other.  On the second day...they arrive along side the boat with a wave runner they had rented.  In a magic moment or brilliance on their part....they just added a second craft and two more people who had no idea what they were doing.  The first hour they were there....involved going back to the marina to get fenders (bumpers) so they could tie the wave runner to the side of the boat.  This by the way...was the wrong way to go about it which was why the rental  people did not give them any to start with.  But did anyone ask me?  Of course not.  That would be what a more intelligent person might do and these two cannot be counted in that department.  My wife's friend encouraged me to go with her husband to keep  him company while she sat and chatted with my wife since she had just arrived.  The thing with these two it seems....that when ever we get together with wife and her go off and talk separately which leaves me with the husband alone to talk about what ever we talk about together. 

He's a decent guy from the outside looking in..... but get this.........when I asked "how's it going "....the polite none specific thing to say as a greeting..... he slows the wave runner down which I was now on the back of...and tells me his daughter had just died by suicide only 3 days ago ( this last Saturday) which was why they didn't know if they were coming or not.  But here's the problem with that story as I sat there and heard it again for the second time he's told me that same the same words....and it was Saturday the last time he told me which was almost a year ago now?  What's wrong with this picture?  I won't keep you hanging....he forgot he told me that once before to gain my sympathy and he clearly isn't clever enough to think up a new one or that I might remember this bit of personal trivia or  who;s he's told that to?  I'm sure his daughter did commit suicide at one point in time (actually...maybe?  Even if he has/had one.  The real question that remains is when since last Saturday was definitely not when she did? If she even exists?   At least if you're going to should remember who you told the story too especially with someone like me who has a very accurate memory of such things.  That DeJaVou feeling was making me crawl outside of my skin it was so bad!!!

So I am.....I've got people in the back ( 55 ft boat remember?) screaming all kinds of things none of which tell me anything.....but mostly about the fish that are being caught and slowing down because I'm trolling too fast.  In the mean time.....I've got stiff side wind and waves pushing into a wall of rocks not 15 feet from the shore.....and I look over and see my wife's friends shadowing me right along side the boat in the wave between the big boat and the rocks like this is something you do....(looking at me inside driving like she is running herd on a bunch of cattle and we're both just crus'in down the the cattle trail together side by side while no more than 8 feet behind her is jagged rocks just begging her to be crushed against if I can't keep the boat from sliding sideways into her and into the rocks at the same time?  When they were handing out the brains....she thought they said "Trains" and told them she didn't want any!!!  OMFG!! I'm pointing forward in a rather obvious direction meaning.....GO FOREWARD!!!!  Like NOW!!!!  Which she waves at me and continues on and around the other side of the boat.  In a wife comes up to me and tells me to slow down since her friend is tired and wants to board the boat....while we're moving....while we're up next to rocks...and on the same side they had decided...was the best side to do this on.  The ones with the rocks only feet away....while other people are fishing from the back end right where she wants to come on board right then!!! LOL

I told myself....I was just going to let what ever happen...happen and everyone would figure it out once it did but this was just beyond belief!!!   I told my wife that her friend needing aboard the boat was not more important than getting her killed in the process.  This seems to register kind of....but not really since my wife had already decided not to listen to what Popeye had to say.  I was seething I was so angry at this point but I said nothing.  Nothing that is until her friend was on board and mentioned how difficult it was to board the boat while moving as fast I was.  And the only reason for that was to keep the entire boat from wrecking on the rocks we were fishing near which was producing a lot of fish in a short period of time.

When my wife said something in support of her friend.....I said...."I want nothing from you....but don't ask ONE thing from me at anything right now....PERIOD!!!"  Which her friend over heard in which my wife responded..."it's always something with him." 

I cannot tell you .....the lack of all common sense and the utter stupidity that this displayed said to me and the utter contempt I felt for everyone at that moment but especially...for my wife.....who appears to me as possible the dumbest person I have personally had the misfortune of meeting since I saw her in this context in a situation where human life was at stake and she did nothing to alter her normal level of complete incomprehensibility and lack of all personal responsibility to a whole new level that exceeds anything to date so far.  It still has me shaking from witnessing this...and me being...the only voice of reason any where in sight!!

So now....that same night...these two are in the bunks next to my wife and I....and her friend won't shut up and go to sleep.  No problem for me since I can sleep anywhere...any time in almost any position...and that kind of quiet chattering kept me awake for 5 minutes at the very most.  I slept soundly all night and got a good nights rest.  In the wife complained that she was up all night since her friend never went to sleep and was up and down all night and whispering to her husband none stop.  Later....her friend mentioned to my wife in passing in a kind of sort of admission....that she was worried since she heard noises coming from under the boat and thought the lines attached to the boat were going to come loose and we would drift off while she was asleep and needed to keep checking to see if we were still tied securely.  Let me tell you.....these lines were wrapped around boulders that weighed twice that of the boat and there were two coming from either side and the boat was pinned in forward with the wind at our backs.  (as it should be)  Earlier that of the boat rental hands was passing by in a service boat and stopped to check out our moorage spot.  In a quick look see since he thought it looked like a really good spot for himself personally later on as he said it...he mentions that we had done a really good job of getting the boat situated and secured really well.  I'm sorry to say it this way....but I didn't need him to tell me that..... but as it turned out....this only proved to be a valuable look see for what was next to come.

So when these two took off only a while later to go home from their complete disruption and intrusion in the way they went about it...(which required even more work for me which I was not given the chance to say word one to ahead of time)....I told my wife about the story of the suicide and she told me why his wife was up all night.  I said..."it's funny...she was worried that the ropes were tied tight enough for the boat to stay still enough not to worry all night about it....but had no clue that she was in between a multi ton vessal and boulders as big as a house and wanted to board while moving (which she did) because she was too tired to wait.  These two took off to go tooling around in the wave runner....without saying anything while people were fishing at the same time.  This was not only retarded....but dangerous as Hell !!  And yet...she was worried that the boat would float away in the night with no real apparent way for that even to happen and kept both my wife and her husband up all night from the worry this created in her...and now I'm sitting there pointing this out and my wife is looking at me like this is somehow hard to figure out just what was the problem as I was saying this?  Unbelievable!!!  If I hadn't been there and witnessed this all....I wouldn't believe it either?  And of wife made sure I said nipping that one in the bud right away.  Be careful what you ask'll get it....and we did..that very same day.

By this time...I was speaking up and telling both my wife and brother that I needed some help.  I did this in a tone that was no longer sounding agreeable to anything they wanted no matter what it was.  I realized that I was FUCKED not matters what I, when you got nothing to's easy to be an asshole with a clear conscience which at that point...a clear conscience was the last thing on my mind and didn't give a rip what anyone thought about me or what i was doing and I was not about to give anyone the choice....Period!!!

This caused both my brother in law and my wife to go to the opposite end of the boat...the stern...while I stayed up front and spotted a place to stay for the night.  It was a buoy up ahead that was put there by the state which is the easiest way to moor for the night since you know without will not go anywhere under any conditions what so ever.  The other aspect about attaching yourself to a buoy like all you have to do is clip the end of a carabineer attached to a line on the bow and your done.  It doesn't get any easier than that.  But in this one situation as i tried to explain to my wife and brother in law ahead of time as I attempted to do....I needed someone to stand out on the bow and just hook the carabineer to a chain on the buoy while I steadied the boat. I asked her brother for assistance since my wife had already refused to help me before when I tried to explain how to do it which she would have no part in.  I figured....hooking carabineer to a chain doesn't require any special instructions unless you've never done that before in your life.  Her brother said not problem and hooked us up so I could get my first real break or rest and relaxation of any kind since we had been there.  It was the first opportunity I had to take any pictures and the scenery was breathtaking.  I had just sat down to relax and take some shots when I heard her brother yell something that I didn't understand?  What the Fuck is it now God Damn it!!  I get from my recliner chair and start heading back to where my brother in law was....and immediately see we're drifting side ways right onto a point while her brother is in a panic and yelling.....we getting near the rocks!! stupid mother Fucker!!!  The question is....HOW can we be drifting...if you connected us to the buoy to dumb ass Fucktard????  Jesus Fucking Christ !!!! (forgive Lord for my cursed mouth!! lol )

So now....good ole Popeye has got a situation.  The boat has drifted right onto a a windward point...which is to say....the wind has got us pinned up against the rocks and we're up shits creek without a paddle.  I put the boat in gear for a quick burst to get us off the rocks while hearing and loud grinding sound of  metal against rock and scraping the metal hull of the one pontoon  it's entire 55ft length while my wife's brother is screaming ..."rocks!!! rocks!!"(DUH!)  Which only goes to show how bad a situation like this can be in under 5 minutes.   

In the mean wife is looking at me and yelling at her brother asking him if he needs any help?  Yeah...I'd say so....right into the water and you along with him!!! lol 

So now....the boat comes to rest and is stuck on some rocks but off the point so we can get clear now.  Or so I thought.  I tried everything to get us loose but we were stuck but there's a new problem.  I can feel any power getting to the prop and I immediately suspect we've hit the prop on some rocks.  I ask her bother if the prop is moving and he says says. wait.... then he says's not moving. we need to get some help.  Her brother did have his cell phone with us and he was able to get an outside line to call for help.  I told the people where we were and told them the situation and what I was afraid of as far as the the prop was concerned.  The owner came down and found us after a 1/2 hour or so...and he ended up pulling us off the rocks and back out where we were free to move again.  He got on board...started it up...and everything was working as it should and the prop was completely untouched.  The owner himself was a really low key guy and this didn't not phase him in the least.  The only thing he said was that we were lucky it wasn't the prop since that would have been at least $2,500 to dry dock the boat and fix the damage out of my pocket since I'm the one who signed the dotted line which of wife was too busy at the moment to hear about such things.  It was then that my brother in law spoke up and said it was his fault for not making sure the line was secured and he didn't double check to make sure it was hooked on correctly.  Kudos to my brother in law for coming clean on that one and as it turned out....and we were back on our way with no apparent damage to the boat.  Thank God!!!

And as we were heading out of that windy area to find a more sheltered spot for the wife says to the three of us.." was lucky M had his phone with him....who knows what would have happened if M hadn't remembered his phone."

And then yesterday afternoon on the way wife wasn't speaking to me and appeared in her usual state of silent treatment when something is up her butt....I told her this was one of those times when I had no idea what she was upset about and she was going to need to tell me so I could at least know why she was angry.....she said it was because I told my wife to shut up and listen to me for a different moment of stupidity first thing in the morning..."just like the other day at the beginning of our trip when you were trying to give your "Captains Speil" to us and you were the same way back then which I've been angry with you about the entire time!!!"  That and she mentioned me passing out early (again) and ruining the card game planned for the previous evening.

I've got to say this from the perspective...not as someone with ADHD and not about my wife saying she has some kind of disorder in some psychological explanation for this. And as much and I have honestly said that I am not usually in any competition that requires me to say something like this....but from all the stories I've read so far on this forum about the ADHD spouses in denial and all the dumb ass things that they've done.......this wins....  hands down!!!!!

As wait..... IS the stupidest Mother Fucking thing I have ever had the displeasure of witnessing and experiencing in my entire life!!!!  ( I'm not laughing at the moment)

This should get some acknowledgement or consideration for those of us who have ADHD (ATTENTION DEFICIENT DISORDER)..... at the very least...... for not being the dumbest Mother Fuckers on the planet as a constellation.  At the very least!!!

Where I go with from here....I have no idea but like I said.....this is my way of crying for help from running out of insights or perspectives and I have no way to talk myself out of this one for the time being.  I apologize profusely for the inappropriateness of my language which is really just expressing the depth of how strongly I feel the anger and resentment towards my wife at this very moment.  This time....I'm having a very difficult time seeing anything differently in how I see my wife and I'm not seeing that change unless she comes up big with a real confession and admission of her actions and a heart felt REAL apology which I'm not holding my breath on. A specific apology in connection to the cause and effect of her actions....specifically!!  Nothing less....will be accepted at this point in time.

What I do know for sure and this is without any doubt in my mind what so ever.  My wife will never hear this story and how I really feel towards her but I will be thinking it and feeling it...every time she open her mouth and make even the slightest hint of criticism or complaint lodged towards me in any way. Anything she might say to me in direct connection to my ADHD symptoms will be falling on deaf ears and I will go on about my business as if nothing ever happened.  This is the line in the sand...there is no going back from.

What she will exactly what she puts in.......nothing.  I will be courteous, superficial and kind as needed....and throw everything she says right into the toilet and ignore it just as fast if comes out of her mouth.  I wll not fight, argue, complain or criticize and lower myself to her level her.  I will placate and patronize until the cows come home but have no itention in doing anything she requests of me...unless I'm in the mood or it's convenient for me from here on out which the way I'm feeling right now...may be a very, very long time.   I have more self respect and Love for myself to do anything but that as my response.

I just can't allow myself to respect and trust this level of stupidity..... especially when other peoples lives are at stake.,'s where I draw the line.