Does anyone else struggle to get their ADHD partner to celebrate them?
Mine has an aversion to gifts or doing anything nice for me. It's starting to ware on me after being together for so long (18 years of this!) I've really tried to adapt to his ways - but why can't he adapt to mine? I come from a family that celebrates birthdays - people have given me surprise parties in the past - I've given him parties even - I love to give gifts - to celebrate people!
I've gotten my husband some nice things over the years. But when it's his turn to celebrate me he gets stuck, frozen, confused - overwhelmed. IT IS SO ANNOYING. I've tried everything over the years - making lists - couples therapy - giving him a heads-up that a special day is coming...put his name on a gift for me. One year - he got me a STICK for my birthday. Yes. A literal STICK. A STUPID WOODEN STICK. He said it was a joke - but wow it was really hurtful. I should have left right then and there!! Instead I fussed at him about how hurtful it was and he ran to Target for something unmemorable. Can you believe that madness?
Today - I am upset because I got into a kick-ass PhD program this year - finished my first semester the other day. My husband knows how important this work is to me - I told him, he's seen the tears and sweat. It's a big step for me. I asked him to do something nice - I knew it wasn't going to happen - so I decided to celebrate myself with a bottle of wine and some cake.
When I got home - instead of making a nice dinner - my husband had heated up left-overs! It's like he's purposefully being mean to me - he purposely wants to hurt my feelings. All I could do was cry. I just cried and cried and he apologized for having bad timing - then I ended up comforting him - what? Why am I comforting him - when I am the one in need of love and support. It feels like nothing will ever change. He's been a real DUD. I know there are partners out there who celebrate people!