I have read that ADHD is genetic and often runs in families. Even though my mother has passed on I am convinced that she had ADHD and that at least 1 of my sisters also is ADHD. (My mom was never diagnosed and my sister can't afford to be diagnosed.) Anyway, I wasn't diagnosed until 30 years old because I really never knew anything about ADHD. I could never explain my problems until I read an article in a magazine and it all clicked.
Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone knows the chances of a child being ADHD if one parent is. I do have a 3 year old and wiil have another in a couple years. As a child I was more the unfocused dreamer type, not hyperactive. I did manage to cope all right throughout my life. The last 5 years had been a battle and my symptoms got worse as I added more stress to my life (graduating college, starting a new career, getting married, buying a new home, starting a family...) I am on medication now and my husband says he has noticed a big difference and can tell when I've forgotten to take my meds.
But, I worry about my son. Are there signs I should watch out for? Is there an age when the symptoms generally begin to emerge? Knowing what I have had to go through in my life I would like to catch this early to make his life easier. Although I really do hope it's not an issue for him.
odds vary
Submitted by arwen on
Ladyflower, it has been my (unprofessional) observation that the odds of a child having ADD when one parent does can vary -- I suspect it may depend to an extent on the "flavor" of ADD one has. In my husband's extended family, the entire male line through four generations have had ADD (the non-hyperactive kind), but only one or two of the women -- but only the men pass it on to later generations, not the women (whether the women have ADD or not). I've seen other families where it seems to be less sex-linked and seems to be more random. According to Ned Hallowell's book "Delivered from Distraction", the odds in general are about 30 percent.
I'm not a professional, I can't tell you a list of signs to look for. I can tell you that my own son began expressing ADD behaviors when he was 10 months old. He learned to walk just before turning 9 months, and by the time he had been walking for a month, we had to put him on a tether when we were away from home, because once he had determined something he wanted to get to, he was *totally* oblivious to everything else, including obstacles and his parents frantically yelling his name and "stop!" from 10 feet away. (He wasn't ignoring us -- he really did not hear us -- we had his hearing tested but it checked out OK.) At age 3, he could socialize well enough one-on-one but could not function well in a group activity. He was hyperfocused on playing with toy cars, and would play with them for far longer periods of time than a normal child. (It also took much longer than it should have to teach him to keep them off the stairs!) At the age of 5 he could look at any vehicle in a parking lot and tell you what make and model it was, *without* seeing any logo or name on the vehicle (and he could usually tell you what year, too). We actually came up with a motto for him when he was two, "Anything worth doing, is worth overdoing". (In retrospect, it should have been a big hint that something was more than just a little unusual about him, but we had no clue about ADD back then.) In general, most of his ADD behaviors centered around the ability to hyperfocus, from a very early age.
Because our son was also extremely bright, we assumed that these behaviors were related to his unusual intelligence rather than anything else. It wasn't until he was midway through grade school that his teachers concluded that there was something else at issue and recommended evaluation by a child study team. These folks didn't identify ADD at that time, though, either, nor did the counselor to whom we were referred. (Our son wasn't hyperactive, and that tends to make diagnosis more difficult in young children.) I wasn't satisfied with a general conclusion of neurosis, and started doing research on disorders myself. By the time my son was 10, I was convinced he had ADD, but none of the psychologists concurred. Finally, when he was entering high school, his dad was diagnosed with adult ADD, and we asked my husband's neuropsychiatrist to evaluate our son as well. It was only at that point that he was diagnosed with non-hyperactive ADD.
So, the signs can be subtle enough for professionals to miss (let alone a non-professional like a parent!). Although memory issues often occur with ADD, we tend not to expect young children to remember well, so this ADD trait probably would not be apparent. Kids can have problems socializing for a host of different reasons, so even if this occurs, it is not necessarily a sign of ADD. Impulsiveness is common in all children, so even if your son exhibits this, it is probably not meaningful. Based on my own experience, and that of other parents with ADD children, I would venture to guess that the one trait that would probably stand out the most is the ability to hyperfocus -- you may want to be on the watch for that.
I should add that the parenting strategies that one needs to use with an ADD child are generally pretty good to use with any child -- so if you want to be on the safe side, it might be worthwhile to read up on ADD parenting strategies and implement them regardless. I would think, though, that the best way to get a handle on this would be to consult with a psychologist who specializes in dealing with ADD children. I didn't have that option many years ago when my son was small, but I certainly would use it today if I were faced with this possibility.
Good luck!
Thank you
Submitted by ladyflower10 on
That does clear up some things for me. I guess my confusion lies in being able to tell the difference from normal child behavior and ADHD behavior. Like you said children all have a tendency to be impulsive, not have the best memory, be ackward in social situations, not pay attention, etc. The extent of my knowledge is the child development classes I took in school years ago and working in a daycare for several years.
My son has been in daycare for about 3 years now (since he was about 2 months old.) He does fine in social situations and there are times that this kid has a memory that I can't believe. Certainly many things I don't remember! Of course he remembers all the Christmas presents he saw me buy him for Christmas! (It's hard to find time to shop without him! Lol!) There are certainly times that he ignores me when I call him and I have to repeat myself. But, it doesn't seem to be anything outside the norm when it comes to kids.
I completely understand the ability to hyperfocus. I have been guilty of this myself on too many occasions. My son can get engrossed in an activity he loves, (such as coloring or playing with stickers) but again I haven't noticed anything that I would call outside the norm. Maybe my husband would be a better judge of this than me though since he's used to watching me!
I have a friend whose husband has ADHD and her 4 year old daughter was recently diagnosed as well. I questioned her about how she knew since she was so young and her response was that she just knew something wasn't right. I do believe, however, that her daughter was also diagnosed as bi-polar so I'm sure that was a large part of her noticing.
Thank you for the suggestion about reading up on ADHD parenting. I admit that I have not done much research on childhood ADHD since it didn't apply to myself. You have made me feel better though about my son because as of yet I have not noticed any of the things similar to what you mentioned with your son.
Worried About Me!
Submitted by Resigned2B on
I have been married 35 years and going through divorce, I have five birth children. Two children, whose birth father passed away and neither of those two adult children have ever had any signs of ADHD. My husband of 35 years was recently diagnosed ADHD and two all of those three birth children have severe ADHD, One is a girl and has learned coping skills for her ADHD. My husband has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and though he does not believe he has it, he still takes the medication for it. With his refusal to believe that he has ADHD and now he believes that none of his children have ADHD has made it even more difficult for me. Melissa, I’m hoping you have any stats that will help me on what I can expect from my own mental health under the circumstances.
My husband lied to me about how he dipped into our 401(k) and we were making $250,000 a year and now have nothing. He told me in 35 years I have done nothing to enhance his life. We have been separated for an entire year and to be honest I think he’s doing quite well being single. I, on the other hand, I am not doing well being single and I am feeling like a 35 year long marriage has failed and that I because I could not deal with all of the 80 HD yours in my family has failed everyone. I’m in therapy and I’ve been in therapy for a number of years. My first therapist wanted to have an affair with me that was the only way he was going to cure me. It wasn’t until just the last five years that anybody thought my gosh it’s this woman’s husband that has ADHD and that’s why she herself is depressed.
I have plenty of therapist support. What I need are stats that my husband can look at where he can realize that his, nonchalant fly by the edge of your pants, reaction to the things that he has done to us has actually put us in a near poverty position. At this point he blames me and has managed to get all the children to blame me as well.
To say in life isn’t worth living is an understatement.
35 years and broke....yep.
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Resigned, we've been married 35 yrs. also, and are also broke. We shouldn't be. I can't count the number of decisions DH has made that has cost us financial security. Of course, he blames it on everything and everyone else, but the endless projects, business ventures that never panned out, and this last move cost us more than you could imagine.
We are facing retirement aith no income of any kind, and he keeps saying it was because I never had a "proper second income", like his. By rights, we should have been able to do very well on just his income, but haven't. I worked most all these years, but as a musician, accompanist,organist, church organist, which didn't pay much, but it IS a profession which took years of lessons, private study and rehearsals, but isn't a great paying one. I still added to the income though quite a bit.
I'm sorry your children blame you, that truly sad, when untreated ADHD and denial are the biggest culprit here. I don't believe spouses of ADHDers get enough credit anywhere. We're told how we add to the problem, how we could help, and to hang in there, but I haven't read anything yet, of how much we sacrifice and HAVE sacrificed to help them and to maintain a level of sanity for our families. No wonder we get burnt out and just used up. It's like being a caregiver for someone infirmed. The caregiver often wears out and can even die before the ill person does, due to the added stress and strain of the situation.
After 30 years, I got used up, and betrayed and hurt past a point to what was tolerable. I lost who I was, and even what I was. I no longer felt desirable, or worthwhile, or even like a woman any longer. I lost me, and lost any trust I had in myself to make ANY decisions that would benefit me, since everything turned out upsidedown in this marriage. (Even though DH made many decisions without me) There was the "I should have's", or "I could have's) and regret, but this has been so destructive. I'm on my way back but it's a hard road, and I am trying to gain a better perspective.
DH has been a better husband the past several months, and is trying to make life better for me. He really has had a change of heart, that our daughters have noticed as well. It's me that's struggling with this though,.because I still am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I guess that can happen after so many years of neglect. I have been hard on myself for neglecting my own peace of mind, and am doing a few things to try to reverse this damage. I did leave for a year, and that was the start of change on myself. I've a ways to go though.
What's different also, is that I changed in my attachment towards H. I had to distance myself emotionally from him, which helped in some ways. It isn't how I would love a marriage to be, but it was necessary for my own emotional health. I think he needed it too, becausehe then knew I wasn't always just "going to be there regardless". I DID have a limit to what I could endure. Sad, that they have to sometimes be gobsmacked in the face before they see something.
I wonder too...
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I have a friend who just got married. She has ADHD, and her husband has Bipolar disorder. What are the odds that their child will have either ADHD, Bipolar disorder, or something else?
Odds
Submitted by Brindle on
The odds are high. Bipolar is inheritable. ADHD is inheritable. And they can coexist in one person. I hope they both have their personal growth firmly in hand and are both deeply committed to helping their future kids work at their own issues. A child dealt such a hand will need strong support and need to grow up in a family that models personal responsibility for mental health
Odds are greater I would imagine
Submitted by dedelight4 on
My mother-in-law had bipolar, but my father-in law didn't have any mental disorders. All 3 of their children had ADHD, one had paranoid schzophrenia, and two were addicts. It would seem to me if the mother (primary caregiver) has the illness it seems to fare worse for most children born to that. (Of course not all)
My MIL had zero patience, (and I mean none) with her kids, and this played a huge part in how they were raised. I watched this play out in how she interacted with her grandchildren. She just couldn't BE a motherly type person. It was weird to watch. And, back then, the WWII generation....didn't talk about their own issues....EVER. The inabilities were just passed on with no knowledge of what was going on. Sad. I think my husbands siblings woyld have done much better if they had had help. They have both passed now, from addictions, and were fairly young, late.40s, early 50s. Sad.
I hope your friend gets as much help and knowledge as possible, and are well informed by the time they have children. Wishing them well.
ODDS
Submitted by Resigned2B on
50% are the odds his offspring will have ADHA,, Bybolar, depression, and/or schizophrenia ADOPT!