"In a healthy relationship, your partner hears you out if you’re upset, .... not to debate whether you should have been upset in the first place ...None of my concerns were ever addressed. They were simply deflected onto me. I had stopped taking issue with his actions because I wasn’t allowed to."
This is taken from a site below telling ways to tell if your spouse might be manipulative. It is an interesting and eye opening article:
I have been called names by spouse and then called too sensitive when I would have feelings about it. THEN told I should be more loving. I would be told how to NOT behave...."Do you think you are better than me? What's got you so pissed of THIIS time? Why do you ALWAYS think something is WRONG, Be like me...be happy! Stop caring what other people think...be like me...I do what I want! You are not the boss of me! Can't you take a joke? I was just kidding, don't be so negtive. You are just cold like your mother." so that whatever I was bringing up to talk about was turned around and put on to me as the problem because I had a problem. There never was an intimate conversation with a solution or compromise. I was put down because I had a problem.....end of discussion.
This has not been healthy.