Hello Everyone!,
I have been visiting this site for several years and finally joined! I found this to be the most comprehensive site and the forum is so helpful. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with my husband's ADD I come here, read everything and feel better. I do have a question of my own now and am looking for some help. My husband was officially diagnosed with ADD three years ago. We had already known he had it, but it wasn't apparent how badly until he began working in his career as a hospital administrator. The stress was intense and to make things worse we were transferred to Germany for his job. To manage he would take his meds in the morning (slow release) and then a short release tablet in the afternoon. If it was a particularly stressful day he would then drink a Monster on top it all and eat junk food for lunch (Doritos, etc.), but this usually happened once or twice a week. By the afternoon he would be sleepy, but managing it and then by evening he would (will) be too tired to do anything. Around 1 or 2 am he would wake up, go downstairs and play video games, then stay up until it was time to go to work. By the time he regulated his schedule a few days later it was time for another stressful day and the cycle repeats itself. Of course this has overlapping consequences with him unable to keep up with his responsibilities at home and with our four children. Either my husband doesn't have full blown ADD or we have managed it mostly because I am so happy with him. I would still marry him all over again, but sometimes I do feel overwhelmed. Any suggestions?
Has no concept of time.
Submitted by dedelight4 on
My diagnosed ADHD husband has NO concept of time. When it comes to sleeping, he rarely goes to bed before 3 am. He has his PhD in music and is a band director at a college, but he wastes time on LOTS and LOTS of nonsense projects that he thinks will make extra money. The past several years he's been doing music on an independent movie, which has taken almost every minute of his life outside his regular job.
The nights were getting later and later until he wasn't coming to bed until 6 am, then needing to get up and go to school at 9. This worked when he was younger, but now he's in his upper 50's and can't understand why his body won't let him continue to do what he wants.
He usually doesn't go to sleep until 3 am, and then complains the rest of the day how tired he is. If he DOES go to bed earlier now, but he will watch tv, eat food in bed, turn the lights on which wakes me up, and wants to talk endlessly about random things. (will not listen if I want to talk, and then tells me "I am tired now")
On regular work days, he sets his alarm which he ignores until he absolutely HAS to get up. He'll get ready in a rush, and if he has a few minues to spare he will putter around and waste time until he's LATE, and then take off like a rocket yelling, "OMG, I'm late, I've got to go". Off he goes in a huff and like a whirlwind, and is usually late to class. Since HE is the professor, it must be horribly frustrating to the students to have him late so much. I think he ENJOYS the rushing around and scurrying part of things, which seems to make him feel important or something, but he certainly seems to get a RUSH out of it. For at least 10 years of our marriage, he would forget where he put his KEYS, and it would be a MAD RUSH EVERY SINGLE MORNING with him yelling at the top of his voice to "FIND MY KEYS". I solved that problem (for the most part) by putting a key holder right by the front door so he would have to hang them up when he walked in. BUT STILL, he would forget, even though the key holder was RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIS FACE.
The same holds true for belts, shoes, ties, jackets, etc. Every door knob in the house was meant for belts and ties, regardless of the fact he has a belt/tie rack in the closet. Jackets NEVER, EVER get hung up even though the closet is right at the front door. Shoes get taken off ANYWHERE, which I trip over since they are usually in a main traffic area. Then I get yelled at for MOVING his shoes so he can't find them. (and yells at me for conspiring to do this)
The scariest thing is that because he is so chronically tired, he has POOR driving habits. I can't tell you how many times the car has drifted across yellow lines or the right side white line, because he is "drifting off". Then he says, "Oh, I'm just resting my eyes". YOU CAN'T REST YOUR EYES WHEN YOU ARE DRIVING, BECAUSE YOU CAN SERIOUSLY HURT SOMEONE, OR YOURSELF.
The concept of time is almost impossible for my husband to comprehend. He's also been working on a project (music) that has taken several years. The past 2 years it has taken every hour he hasn't been at his regular job. It just recently ended last month and it's been VERY hard for him to go to bed at a decent hour (before 12pm). I told him, "It will take a while before your body gets back into a healthy rythmn because of the past two years working on this". He IMMEDIATELY got short with me and said, "I've only been doing this for the past 2 weeks". When ACTUALLY it has been over 2 years of work, every night, every weekend and every spare moment. (which also doesn't leave any time for family and upkeep on our house) Our house, which is only 9 years old, is getting very run down because he spend no time fixing things that are broken or need upkeep. He LOVES buying NEW things, but HATES maintaining the things we already have. (that includes me and our marriage.
His newest idea is that he wants to enclose the back porch to make an office for himself. (he wants to do this HIMSELF) I said absolutely no way, because I want it done RIGHT, according to building codes with finished floors, walls, electrical wiring, insulation, etc.. (which he promised he would do) But, I've been down this road dozens of times and he NEVER, EVER, EVER, finishes ANYTHING. There are at least a dozen different unfinished projects already staring us in the face in the house, and we don't need one more. I suggested to him that we call a professional contractor, have the room done "right", in a timely manner, which will pass all building codes, but NO.....he just won't hear it. He said he could do it FASTER, and it would cost less money if HE did it. no....no...no...no....NO!!!!! He has underestimated all projects he undertakes, which cost 2 to 3 times the money and then gets tired of said project in the middle and doesn't finish it. He then says...."Well, that's good enough". THEN, he gets angry because I'm frustrated with the results.