My Husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for almost 10. I have always known he had ADHD (untreated) but had no clue the damage this was causing our marriage. Like many others on here, I was feeling ignored, overwhelmed and lonely. I work full time, and we have 2 young children and I had to take care of everything. He is an electrician and started doing jobs for people in our community about 2 years ago. Because of the praise and validation he receives from the people he helps, he became hyperfocused on the side jobs and spent very little time with us, his family. Then, at the beginning of this year, my husband, who has always said he would never walk away from his family, started saying that he wasn't in love with me anymore and wanted a divorce. About a month later I found out he was having an affair. In total the affair lasted about 4 months. The whole time he wavered back and forth over staying or leaving. He ended up deciding that he wanted to stay and try to see if our marriage could be saved. That is when I found this blog and discovered that the ADHD had contributed to the majority of our marital issues.
He was just put on 20 mg of Adderall about 2 weeks ago. He says it helps his focus a little, but he has noticed that he gets short alot easier. He has started seeing a therapist who specializes in ADHD. He also is missing the high from the affair. He says he is fighting the urges, but it is hard because he doesn't get that same high with me. I know the physical reasons behind it, but it's still hard to hear.
Has anyone been through this? If so, how were you/your partner able to overcome the urge of chasing the high? I'm looking for any signs of hope. I love my husband very much and know all of this is the unmanaged ADHD. I have read Melissa's book and shared passages with him. He acknowledges that his ADHD has been out of hand, but is not sure he can get it under control so he does not go through this again.