I'm hoping I can get some advice from families with small children. We have a 5 year old and a 6 year old who have both experienced the explosive anger from my husband. If I ever go out for dinner with a friend and my husband puts the kids to bed, I come back to crying scared children because daddy got so angry over something small. Now my daughter shakes and get anxious over the thought of being alone at night with him (I figure it's only at night because that's when he has a couple beer and it negates the affects of the med's). When she communicates that she is scared of his anger he always turns to me and says "it's your fault for brainwashing the children that I'm a bad person". Then he always says to my daughter " I guess nobody likes daddy and I'll just leave the family". He has no ownership over his anger and puts it on everyone else. For now I just go out the odd time in the morning with a friend and always stay with the kids at night, but my kids just told me they think " daddy is mean to mommy". I feel so trapped because I could never risk losing custody of the children because I don't feel they are safe with their dad. My husband feels it's ok to get rough physically with the kids because that's how he was raised. The kids say they love their daddy and they would be sad if he was out of their lives. He's a good father in many other ways but he does treat me like he hates me and blames me for the wedge between him and the kids..unfairly.
Children affected by my husbands ADHD
Submitted by kalikooler on 07/17/2015.
Submitted by c ur self on
Your husband is wrong and right....Children should have both Love and Discipline....But, never in anger!...Hopefully his eyes will be opened enough to see he needs to address his anger.
I will pray for your family, your babies sure don't deserve to have their nervous systems so shocked ( it will be their baggage all their lives) they never asked to be brought into the world...They are just precious victims, but God see's it!
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
but he does treat me like he hates me and blames me for the wedge between him and the kids..unfairly.
A couples therapist needs to address this. I went thru this. Our kids would witness H saying terrible things to me, yet H would act like the kids should just ignore that. H would blame me for how the kids felt about him. H would blame me. I would tell him, "the kids opinions are based on what they've seen you do and what they've heard you do." I wish I had addressed that with at T.
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
it's your fault for brainwashing the children that I'm a bad person".
Get you both to a T fast.
I wish I had done that with H. He also said the same thing over and over. He told his OWN T this, but that T actually seemed to believe his nonsense.
I wish I had brought this up with a couples therapist so he/she could address that H needs to take responsibility.
" I don't feel they are safe with their dad."
Submitted by ChrisChris on
What you are feeling is correct. From your description, your children are NOT safe alone with their dad. This means that YOU are not safe there either. It's time to talk to a social worker and amend your living situation.
"it's your fault for brainwashing the children .....
Submitted by kellyj on
that I am a bad person." I use to lay in bed (wide awake) and listen to father do this with my mother. Yelling at the top of his lungs at her, blaming her for something that I had done saying it was "her fault" I had turned out the way I did because of how she was raising me when he was not there (at work most of the time ). Of course...I had ADHD and most the time things I did (like break something accidently) was because of this fact alone. In reality....I was afraid of him and so was she and that's the only reason (we) would hide things from him or act in ways that he saw as disrespectful to him...out of fear of his anger.
This is child abuse and it's also abuse to you. Your H is 100% in the wrong and this will have long lasting repercussions on your children's lives if you do not take action to protect your children from this kind of abuse.