Battle Fatigue

The difficulty I am having is this:  I don't know what DH is doing with his life, with our money, with his business, how he feels, who he is.  He could be depressed or going crazy or having an affair or he could be fine with his coping skills and "leave me alone" attitude. I don't know because he manipulates me with lies and distraction but does not share him self with me.  I feel like a fool and I am lonely for real companionship and partnering in life rather than this battle.  

To jennalemon

Your comment has been sitting here for four days and I just wanted to acknowledge it. I finally had to let my ADHD friend go for exactly the feelings/reasons you so eloquently write about.

He cared for me a lot, but never let me INTO his life. After four years of knowing him, I didn’t really know him. Do you know what I mean? He would blather on about all the love he had in his heart (even towards me). But I found his heart was a fortress. I gave up the seige. It was too lonely a fight.

Wishing you well.

battle

Dear jennalemon,

I have see you here on this site for a while now, and just want to also acknowledge your post and what you are going through. I am so sorry. You are not a fool, and it is understandable you would be having difficulty in this situation. I wish you well and send ((hugs)) your way. I wish I could do more to help, but please know that you have many folks who understand your struggles here. Hang in there. Try to do what you can to make yourself happy. I think the whole serenity prayer is pretty wise: the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference--it is a good place to start, at any rate. 

 

Thank you

Thank you both for responding.  This site is a great place to come amidst frustration when there is no place to go with it .... or rather no people I want to burden with it who are not dealing with it in their lives.  For me, it is a place to journal and be heard.  It helps to know people are reading my words and their hearts are moved to respond.

Poor Thing

I get it, I get it, I get it!!! You are not alone, my friend. It is possible for him to share himself with you, but sometimes, yes, they just disappear somewhere inside themselves and you can not reach them. What is going on behind that blank stare? What is he pondering while doing these repetitive, nervous behaviors that he will not share with you? He doesn't know how to share with you.

You can try, and then sometimes, voila! Miraculously, he will go down deep and share himself with you. But if you have been dealing with a struggle and going back and forth over it, as seems to happen often, then he's just-gone. It's like, there is only so much ability to share within him, and if you add any stress to the mix, it "Does not compute." If you read my post "Why Do I Feel Invisible?," maybe you will feel like you're not alone. There is hope, with treatment, and willingness in both of you.

God bless you.