Choosing a Life Partner - ADHD'er

Hello all,

Though i know this is a very subjective question, but all those couples who have had a happy relationship, what are the qualities you think would work well with someone with typical ADHD characteristics. I am going for an arrange marriage & was curious what qualities would come at the top of your head - is "Opposites Attract" especially true in case of one spouse having ADHD? or does the ADHD spouse feels things might get dull and looks for someone more like themselves.

My personal incident when I first met with the girl: I asked her what were her strengths and weaknesses :
her strengths were: I am organized! I am very patient! I am a good listener!!!

and I was like bowled over as precisely the above three are in a way my top weaknesses :)

But sometimes when I meet her I feel what if things get a bit dull later on as she is a very routine oriented person very very much opposite to me, but then I feel maybe in the long run it would work well espl those ADHD low's we all face from time to time......... and ya she is attracted by my sense of humour, energy, kindness & down to earth nature .....

Would be glad to hear from people out there and what has there experience been like!

 

something to consider

In my experience, when a couple can celebrate the other's strengths, and accept the other's weaknesses, or even find them a source of humor, life lessons, or empathy, they can complement each other.  If you choose a partner who you think has what you lack, it could lead to resentment over time.  I am more naturally organized than my spouse, but that doesn't mean I want to be the only person who has the responsibility for being organized.  Over time, I don't take pleasure in being organized if it is expected of me.  My spouse is more naturally spontaneous, carefree and worry-free than I am, but I sometimes resent that I don't get to be that way-- if I were, there would be no one left in the marriage who is "taking care of business".    When anyone is too far "one way" the other person tends to go too far the other way, even if they don't want to.    In a nutshell, don't pick out someone whom you think will take care of the hard parts of life for you.  This leads to a destructive parent/child relationship, and is doomed.  Choose someone you admire, and whom you think admires you, good and bad.  

Thanks gardener 47 thats

Thanks gardener 47 thats quite helpful, I many a times think to marry someone who is my exact opposite and good at taking care of the business as you rightly said it but I get what you are trying to say .......... I really needed this advice at this point in life thanks

I agree with gardener447. You

I agree with gardener447. You also kind of have to imagine how each particular quality would play out (I know it's tough, but it may help you!) For example, most Non-ADHDers seem to really dislike the disorganization of their ADHD spouse. It CAN cause the parent-child scenario, leading to resentment. So choosing someone equally as disorganized or carefree about that stuff might work in your favor. When it comes to listening and being patient though - things would probably get really crazy with BOTH partners not listening to each other, just talking over each other and neither having patience. Someone with ADHD would need their partner to be patient and a good listener. I'm sure there are many other qualities and traits that you would have to analyze to figure out what would suit you best - but I think this kind of planning would go a long way and save you some stress in the long run.