For everyone here... I feel that I don't have much to say at this forum any more, since my spouse's issue, as has been diagnosed, is not really add, but actually a personality disorder.
In all honesty, I suspect that is the case with many of the "add" folks being discussed here, and I have so much empathy for you all!
My own course of action was to release all control over the situation, since that control was only an illusion, at best. I stepped away from the madness and filed for legal separation.
Rather than taking this as a signal to move forward into healing, my spouse has chosen to escalate the separation into divorce. In actuality, nothing has changed at the heart level, other than now he is making official what has always been the case: he only had use for me as long as I had no voice, no identity of my own.
By the grace of God, I am learning how to be more healthy myself and to find fulfillment apart from marriage, or "doing". Now it is about learning how to "be". Myself.
Anyhow, there's a free app available for phones, with Melody Beatty's daily meditations from her book The Language of Letting Go. I absolutely love this little app and the daily message has helped me so much. Not sure which phones can get it, but iphones, for sure. Here is today's installment, along with hopes and prayers that we all will find great peace and new joy.
Sometimes, the holidays are filled with the joy we associate with that time of year. The season flows. Magic is in the air.
Sometimes, the holidays can be difficult and lonely.
Here are some ideas I’ve learned through personal experience, and practice, to help us get through difficult holidays
Deal with feelings, but try not to dwell unduly on them. Put the holidays in perspective: A holiday is one day out of 365. We can get through any 24-hour period.
Get through the day, but be aware that there may be a post-holiday backlash. Sometimes, if we use our survival behaviors to get through the day, the feelings will catch up to us the next day. Deal with them too. Get back on track as quickly as possible.
Find and cherish the love that’s available, even if it’s not exactly what we want. Is there someone we can give love to and receive love from? Recovering friends? Is there a family who would enjoy sharing their holiday with us? Don’t be a martyr; go. There may be those who would appreciate our offer to share our day with them.
We are not in the minority if we find ourselves experiencing a less-than-ideal holiday. How easy, but untrue, to tell ourselves the rest of the world is experiencing the perfect holiday, and we’re alone in conflict.
We can create our own holiday agenda. Buy yourself a present. Find someone to whom you can give. Unleash your loving, nurturing self and give in to the holiday spirit.
Maybe past holidays haven’t been terrific. Maybe this year wasn’t terrific. But next year can be better, and the next a little better. Work toward a better life—one that meets your needs. Before long, you’ll have it.
God, help me enjoy and cherish this holiday. If my situation is less than ideal, help me take what’s good and let go of the rest.
Quoted from the book Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.