My husband is constantly speaking very rudely to me when he feels he is not getting my full attention at the exact second he wants it. There is an incident nearly every day its worse when he forgets to take meds or before he takes his meds in the morning but happens when he has had his medication too.
If I am busy doing something and don’t drop my activity right away and rush over to where he is to pay attention to what he want me to he makes some rude statement or gets mad and says “forget it”.....even if only a 30 second delay to when I was going to talk to him.
He is frequently doing something else when I am talking to him, but if I do the same he tells me I am checked out and not paying attention and speaks rudely to me.
He spends a good chunk of time everyday playing guitar, surfing net, doing his own thing and most of the time I don’t bother him while he is doing these activities. If I do need to talk to him he is very rude to me. If I am doing something I want to do and don’t want to drop it to pay attention to him right at the second he wants me to, I get attitude or rude behavior.
I feel that I have and continue to extended a lot of patience to tolerate his ADD related behaviors and I get zero tolerance back if I am not doing what he wants me to do when he wants me to do it.
I am very tired of the constant one way street of tolerance and being treated rudely and also tired of the constant conflict if I stick up for myself for the way he speaks to me. Suggestions?
I often feel that we all
Submitted by MFrances on
I often feel that we all need to bend over backwards for my husband's ADHD. He is trying hard to recognize when he gets angry. We had a period (a short one) that when he got angry I would say to him-you are yelling and scaring the kids or whatever and he would stop and accept that. But now he is sliding back into getting mad at me when I point out he is yelling and saying "no I'm not". His meds need adjusted and he is talking to his doctor about that this week. I know this doesn't help lessen the hurt but your husband might not realize that he is being rude-even if you tell him, he may deny it. Like mine does about yelling. Is he in therapy and/or on medication? Medication does help, therapy can help with the self-awareness.
I wish I had a good
Submitted by copingSAH on
I wish I had a good suggestion but even on meds my husband tends to be rude to me. Every chance he gets he seems to try to stifle my voice.
Spends most evenings when he comes home from work and does not have the meds in his system. Every time I talk to him, he's on his iPad emailing people or writing long letters to cyber friends. Last night he had his meds and a beer. He broke down and cried when a cyber friend wrote something nice to him... ironic, as he has NEVER shown that level of emotion with or towards me.
Last night, I was chatting with him and all of a sudden he turned on me. I think it's the alcohol and the meds, it's driving me to despair. I called and left a message at his doctor's office and I hope they will be discreet when they speak with him about his alcohol (9.0%) intake and meds. I am so tired of this too... it's is unpredictable. One minute he's sweet and relaxed and the next second he misconstrues what I say and I feel like he's a walking time bomb. No amount of explaining helps, it's like he still needs the conflict.
I think they do need the
Submitted by MFrances on
I think they do need the conflict, and I don't know how to fix that. And since I don't have ADHD I don't understand why someone has to always pick a fight or be sarcastic, or rude, or always ask questions, to stimulate a certain area in the brain. It's so hard to live with. Also, at the back of mind is always the question-is this ADHD or is he just a jerk (and all of are husbands are just jerks). Because there are jerks out there, there are people that don't care about others, that always have to be right, always have to have the last word, are selfish, and chronic liars, etc.
Jerks?
Submitted by c ur self on
I don't think they are just jerks...I think what ever is going on in their mind plays out that way...First I watch my wife with those outside our immediate family and she never has these outbursts, she is sweet and caring...she will cry if someone hurts her feelings...But with me and the boy's and her sister's to some degree we get the "are you kidding me behaviors"...But, for the past 5 months except for a few weak moments...I have quit saying anything back or recognizing the behavior at all (just leave it in her lap)...And believe it or not, she has started realizing and apologizing to some degree...Not saying it will ever stop, but hey it's been freeing for my spirit....:-)
Needing conflict... that's
Submitted by copingSAH on
Needing conflict... that's how it feels to me when he responds negatively to some comment I make. Then I become hurt by what really sounds like an agitated response from my spouse ("Don't tell me what to do, I KNOW what I'm doing!"). Sound familiar?
But.... my son who catches the tail end of things seems to think I ended up reacting over-the-top so I'm now wondering if I'm just crazy myself, or overly sensitive, on the lookout for a reason to fall into this weird pattern of behaving because of the fighting words. Maybe I just simply become desperate trying to futilely explain to my spouse I didn't mean it the way he interpreted my words... I don't like being in this mindset at all, it feels confusing... I also dread apologizing for peace's sake, only to have it thrown back in my face.
Maybe I am just crazy. I've been trying to communicate as neutrally as I can sort of like an android. I make factual statements, rather than open ended comments to my spouse, but there'll be that odd "nag" or "desire" I offer that sets the avalanche going.
If I spoke to someone and
Submitted by LyraHeartstrings on
If I spoke to someone and they didn't acknowledge me for 30 seconds, I'd get upset as well. I think it doesn't take more than a second to acknowledge someone and just let them know you need a minute to finish what you're doing. My ADD hubby ignores me when I talk to him and it's maddening.