Chronically disappointed becoming a norm

I'm in tears.  We've been together for five years.  We managed through the most difficult time of getting ADHD/Asperger's diagnosed, her denial, slow treatment.  I almost left, twice.  But it got better.  It is better.  But I've also allowed certain things to become my normal.  Like sometimes feeling a low lying sense of aloneness even though she's there.  I know she loves me to the ends of the Earth, but only because I've come to understand how she expresses it.  But how she expresses it doesn't make me feel loved or appreciated.  It's just me interpreting her actions (like doing the dishes - a monumental task) and remembering, that's how she tries to show she values our relationship.  


I need more than that.  I was very hurt today by her neglectful behaviors over the week.  And I know that sometimes she's slow in coming around to acknowledge, apologize or remedy her actions (or lack of them), even after reminders.  And I know that her symptoms are not personal.  But it still hurts. It's disappointing when her symptoms act up... 


At this point, I'm not even looking for a way to change it.  Just saying that it just hurts to have to keep dealing with it.