In my previous post recently I put a link to a site concerning an article......NOT video/audio. Once at the site on the left hand side scroll until you see an article titled....Reconciliation With Your Hardened Wife. THIS is what I am referring to. The written and video do not seem to contain the same info.
I would like to add...in my view......that at some point.......as humans.....enough is enough. Decisions need to be made. Whether they are right or wrong will play out also. Striving to love and do a "right" thing. Sometimes a right decision IS NOT.....in the end. Sometimes you can make it right.....sometimes you can't. Trusting MYSELF to handle the outcome is ,to me, the biggest obstacle to my success....at anything. We search for ...input, advice, direction,answers etc. I seek.....not to find ones in agreement with me......but for one who offers another view and thoughts to give me a broader scope of possibilities in the hope that I may not be "missing" something. Yes,I find agreement where someone articulates my thoughts/feelings. I appreciate it. Just as I appreciate someone saying something that makes the "light bulb" go on.
What I have learned in the past several months.....has been amazing to me. This site is invaluable in navigating adhd and marriage in general as that is representative so often in relationship(adder versus non). It helps you see also that adhd is not the cover all excuse for behavior....not just in a marriage but PERIOD.
This article spoke FOR ME. After 43 years of marriage.......not wanting to WALK but finding that that is where I am headed........I did NOT EVER think I would BE thinking and feeling such a thing. It made me question EVERYTHING about me.....so like I said........enough is enough.
My husband said to me a few months back......." you have become hard hearted" ....and I didn't disagree. I hated how I felt. I could not understand WHAT has happened with me? WHY can't I do/be the person I USED to be? It drove me nuts because I refused to believe there was ANYTHING that could cause me to become someone I had NO desire to BE!! Oh wait........I do not live a solitary/single life......I am sharing my life daily, minute by minute with another person. I CHOSE that. He CHOSE that. I am OVER the gray area of what love means. If we have differing definitions and they uplift us...great. If they are differing and they ARE HURTFUL........not going to work....period.
I DID have an expectation of loving and being loved when I married.......I am done with listening to that being debated and turned into anyone who thinks that is not thinking fairly. WTH!
" Sadly, most husbands have few memories of “hurting” their wives. But let all such men consider – if a woman does something as extreme as leave her mate, claiming she can no longer handle the emotional pain, isn’t it likely she is, in fact, in pain? (If emotional feelings could bleed, a man would see a trail of blood following his wife as she leaves him.) The truth is that a hardened woman only got that way because her feelings got hurt over and over. Herein lies the problem – most women believe that they have communicated their hurt to their husbands, but most husbands only have memories of their wife’s bad attitudes. All those times a wife thought she was simply expressing the cry of an injured heart, her husband only perceived hostility, coldness, or hatred. She felt like she was begging for tenderness and sensitivity, and he backed away because he thought he was being attacked. My experience is that most women leave their husbands, because they entered marriage with expectations of feeling cherished and secure, and their husbands unwittingly have sent the message that they are not. Hence, those women end up feeling defrauded, then often bitter and hardened."
In the end......if 2 people who supposedly love each other CANNOT have an honest open discussion about ANYTHING.........?