Like clockwork...

Every year, right after the holidays, my husband gets the itch to leave.  The holidays are a stressful time for a lot of people, and between all the family obligations, spending money on gifts, and having vacation time but not being able to do anything because of said family obligations and no money leftover for a trip, I can tell he once again feels bored in the relationship and puts the blame squarely on me.

I first visited this site and posted my experience almost exactly 2 years ago (I believe you can see my posts in my profile).  Back then, I was thinking about leaving him, but that wasn't until after he had left a few days and came back.  At first he blamed me for being boring and not having enough common interest with him.  Then he came back after he realized that there's more to the relationship than just common interests.  But at that time, I was thinking to myself that i deserve better.  I deserve someone who gives me the attention that I need and deserve.  That's when I discovered this site and learned about being in a relationship with someone with ADHD.  That gave me more of an understanding of what was going on and I felt I could learn to deal with it.

Last year, something similar happened around the same time... Husband wanted to leave again, but we again I agreed to change myself to fit in with what he wants.  Kept this website in mind, thought about it, learned from it, and tried to move forward with it.

This year, I braced myself, and sure enough, he complained about the same thing yet again, despite all the efforts I've put in.  But everything is my fault.  Guess what?  This time, I'm done.  There's no turning back.  I've given so much to him and if he doesn't see how damn lucky he is to have me, and to have someone give him all this love despite all his bullshit, then he doesn't deserve me.

I will say this though... My therapist told me ADHD people can be fickle.  And boy is he!  Up until a few weeks ago, he told me he loved me so much, that the relationship is stronger than ever.  How do you go from that to "I want to leave" in a matter of weeks?  I don't know.  But I do know I'm not going to put up with this anymore!  It's time to put myself first because Lord knows he doesn't!