CO-DEPENDANT MARRIAGE.

So,I decided that after the holidays it would be a new start for me where I would find my sanity and end my marriage.Wrong! I am soo mad right now because even if I want to walk away right now it's just so hard for me and I am so overwhelmed by all this drama.The breaking of the new year was my turning point to move on with my life and start over fresh and find back my happiness that was taken from me two plus years now.

The beginning of my marriage was clouds 100,the hyper focus courtship,I bought a car from a woman and it needed some work and I found my husband when I gave him the contract to start the repairs on my car,ever since that and up till now he has been very good to me with the repairs of my car,well last year was 6 months of me waiting for a transmission to be rebuild back on my car and that held back my decisions in leaving him.Today now presently it's an engine problem and again it's holding me back from leaving.First of all I am not with him for fixing my car don't get me wrong,I do love this thing that calls himself a man,but then every time I decide to move on with my life the car the car the car the freaking car.I hate this cycle.

Today,hah,I hardly even know where to start,well today he called the parts place for the part for the engine and it turns out that it's here after two weeks of pondering and then I was so happy to finally know that by Saturday I would get back my car."Right,Thank god"I said to the ungrateful man.But then I told him that the sun is killing me because we live in the Caribbean and lord the sun is extra hot here and to boot I have a skin problem and I told him,"look at my skin how discolored it's getting from the sun I need my car I can hardly wait".First of all I meant nothing bad,secondly he was looking upset before he met me and moody as usual.I only meant that I am happy so that I don't burn up and fry when I have to walk to and from the grocery with all those heavy grocery bags in the sun and also get discolored,then to boot that I was buying us lunch and to think now I never even got a thanks,instead of appreciating my kindness,he makes me feel like it's almost as if I owe him everything that I do for him because he fixes my car.

Well I have had it with me and the car problems and him fixing it,it's almost as if I HAVE no choice than to stay with this man as long as I have this car and he fixes it,I feel trap and I hate to do this because I need the car,but ohhhhhh but I am gonna Anyways.I am selling the car after it's repaired,and hold the money in my account and save a bit more and then buy myself a better one and move on with my life..If I don't he would forever be looking forward to food everyday and clean clothes and I would always NEED him to fix my car.What a horrid relationship.It's based on cars and food.It's Co-de pendant.

lovehurts.

 

being taken advantage of..

On top of the Co-dependant relationship my husband and myself share lately,i have been feeling rather used up.It's almost as if I owe him my life for saving my life financially,but,isn't it true that when you are in a relationship with someone we share responsibilities together.We are supposed to help each other.I feel as if I am the only one doing everything for HIM and he does nothing just like that for me with out looking back for SOMETHING in return.So his daily job is fixing cars,mines is a food business I run from home and then he would come for FREE breakfast every morning and he fixes my car for FREE,so I just don't get it!! I feel or he makes me feel like if I owe him this relationship and all the shit that comes with it in return for his labor towards my car or anything around the house.I am even thinking to break this feeling and pay him for my engine job he is doing for me.What about me giving him food at least 2 times a day with out him paying for it,or me washing for him or cleaning up his house on weekends,isn't that a job too? I look at it this way because he is expecting favors from me in return for his effort for his work on my car,DOES HE LOVE ME GENUINELY? is he taking me for a fool? I feel taken advantage of.A good,not perfect but good human being or genuine human that loves a person would do anything to make that person happy and not look for favors but receive them when given at what ever time,be it 20 months from now or when ever,but this man wants me to show him appreciation,with buying of gifts,cards,food and even cigarettes if i am forced to( by him) to keep doing these things for him all and every time and constantly.He is taking me for granted,he is taking advantage of my genuine love and appreciation also he is a fool to take me for a fool.

lovehurts.

Honey, you've got to learn to

Honey, you've got to learn to value yourself. Just like a woman who stays in a physically abusive relationship harboring the tiniest bit of hope that he won't hit her again because he said he wouldn't but he's said that so many times before.  

You are tricking yourself into thinking that you have to stay with this man. You are creating excuses. If you can afford to pay him for the engine work, then have the bloody car towed to another garage and pay a different person.

He expects you to feed him and do his laundry? STOP DOING IT. He doesn't even live with you...it should be easy. You tell him, move in with me and have these things done, or live on your own, and shift for yourself. And while you're at it, tell him to sign the d*mn divorce papers when they show up at his door.

You're making yourself a victim. He emotionally and verbally abuses you and your children. It's WAY past time to pull the cord. No amount of reasoning, rationalizing, or coming back to this board will change your present or your future if you can't find the strength to sever ties to this man.

I'm sorry if this is harsh, but I'm tired and sad to see you come back here, month and month, talking about the latest humiliation that you've suffered at the hands of this man when you don't have to live this way.

you are right,but it's over now.

Yes I think that I have made excuses to stay with him for the whole entire time we were together but there is no need to do that any more,I have separated myself form him,we are no longer a couple.I wish that my life was not this complicated that I had to force my self with such a man.I have had it with the abuse and all the things that came along with the abuse like his manipulating controlling behaviors.He is not worthy of me.

lovehurts.