So,I decided that after the holidays it would be a new start for me where I would find my sanity and end my marriage.Wrong! I am soo mad right now because even if I want to walk away right now it's just so hard for me and I am so overwhelmed by all this drama.The breaking of the new year was my turning point to move on with my life and start over fresh and find back my happiness that was taken from me two plus years now.
The beginning of my marriage was clouds 100,the hyper focus courtship,I bought a car from a woman and it needed some work and I found my husband when I gave him the contract to start the repairs on my car,ever since that and up till now he has been very good to me with the repairs of my car,well last year was 6 months of me waiting for a transmission to be rebuild back on my car and that held back my decisions in leaving him.Today now presently it's an engine problem and again it's holding me back from leaving.First of all I am not with him for fixing my car don't get me wrong,I do love this thing that calls himself a man,but then every time I decide to move on with my life the car the car the car the freaking car.I hate this cycle.
Today,hah,I hardly even know where to start,well today he called the parts place for the part for the engine and it turns out that it's here after two weeks of pondering and then I was so happy to finally know that by Saturday I would get back my car."Right,Thank god"I said to the ungrateful man.But then I told him that the sun is killing me because we live in the Caribbean and lord the sun is extra hot here and to boot I have a skin problem and I told him,"look at my skin how discolored it's getting from the sun I need my car I can hardly wait".First of all I meant nothing bad,secondly he was looking upset before he met me and moody as usual.I only meant that I am happy so that I don't burn up and fry when I have to walk to and from the grocery with all those heavy grocery bags in the sun and also get discolored,then to boot that I was buying us lunch and to think now I never even got a thanks,instead of appreciating my kindness,he makes me feel like it's almost as if I owe him everything that I do for him because he fixes my car.
Well I have had it with me and the car problems and him fixing it,it's almost as if I HAVE no choice than to stay with this man as long as I have this car and he fixes it,I feel trap and I hate to do this because I need the car,but ohhhhhh but I am gonna Anyways.I am selling the car after it's repaired,and hold the money in my account and save a bit more and then buy myself a better one and move on with my life..If I don't he would forever be looking forward to food everyday and clean clothes and I would always NEED him to fix my car.What a horrid relationship.It's based on cars and food.It's Co-de pendant.