My husband and I have a 40+ year relationship, but it has come to a head with his inability to handle money in a responsible fashion. His business has had issues such that our personal funds are being utilized to cover the debt, and this has put us in a very precarious financial situation. According to him, vast amounts of money will be flowing into his business account any day now, so I am just overly emotional and not giving him a chance. He also insists that it is not as if he was spending the money on a fancy car or a mistress -- it is for his business that must survive! He has consistently spent more than he earns each month for a number of years, and no amount of calm discussions have persuaded him that this is actually a problem. He just sees the optimistic future that things will "get better" and does not understand why I am always trying to emphasize the negative side.
We have been to a variety of counselors over the past 30 years for the same issues -- lack of communication, lack of follow through, inability to initiate items that must be handled in the home. I am very organized, and recognize that I like all things to be that way, but I do not have the patience of Job. He insists that he will now "try harder" since we are under a great financial strain, but is unable to tell me how his efforts will differ from those in the past (that have resulted in no improvements). He insists that we need to take one day at a time, and make a good effort. I see no end in his inability to handle money or our relationship in a responsible and caring fashion. Of course according to him, I am a big part of the problem since I just keep asking him why it has taken him so long to realize that the "house in on fire" when I have been saying the same thing for years.
He refuses to go back to a counselor. He just feels as if he needs to have better sleep, more exercise, and stress free time in order to accomplish his goals. By the way, I fully admit the past 3 1/2 years have been hell as we have been caring for 4 elderly parents, 3 of whom have/had severe dementia, both fathers have died in past 18 months, and his mother is under hospice care; this has been a terrific strain on us both.
Is it time for me to leave? I actually do love him still, but it appears he is incapable of making any changes unless his sleep, exercise, and stress improves, and he has been saying that for as long as I can remember. I feel as if I am losing myself.