Well first, I'm new here. My husband was recently diagnosed with ADD and he actually sent me articles off of the blog. I was shocked when I read them because it was like they had come straight out of my head. While I am happy that my husband is taking things seriously, and is experimenting with some meds (per his doctor's recommendations), I am still struggling with dealing with him.
Basically, we have been married a year and half (almost). While we were dating, I can only assume that he was hyperfocusing on me, because things were good. He always had a time management issue (which constantly caused problems at his job and with me), but I dealt with it the best I could. Two days before our wedding, he lost his job. Part of the reason was the fact that he had been consistently late, and this last time, he tried to cover it up, but got caught anyway. It was a major blow to him because he loved his job, and so I was very supportive at first. I tried to encourage him as he applied for other jobs, and was patient with the side jobs that he had to take to make ends meet. We actually lived apart for about 6 months before I was able to get a new job and we were able to move in together. That is where the trouble started, and its been down hill from there. I'm actually to the point that I'm seeing a counselor and am taking meds for depression because I could not cope with my husband anymore. The time management issues, the tuning out for our day-to-day life, the irresponsibility with finances; I'm about at my wits end. Its like I've been dealing with so long that I'm having trouble hanging on to see if he can get acclimated to the meds and some of the coping stradegies.
I will be the first to admit that he is trying but one issue remains the "pink elephant" in our relationship--our finances. Its already stressful that I'm the major breadwinner, and he is barely bringing in half of what we need to survive. His credit rating has taken a nose dive because we didn't have the money to make his bills. Now he's haggling with two different banks over some accounts that are in default. He has made a payment plan with one bank, but apparently no one took the time to put that information into their system because we get letters and phone calls daily. That only adds to my stress. The other bank offered to cut his debt in half if he could pay by a specific time; he put half of the money into his account, but then got a call from a collection agency before his deadline was up. The money in the account disappeared, and no one seems to know what's going on. I'm about to pull my hair out! He won't let me take over these accounts (I manage the rest of our bills and expenses) and so I constantly stress because I know he's not getting where he needs to be. Its very important that these accounts get cleared up because he won't be able to get a job in his field unless his credit score goes up. Which means that money will continue to be tight, and cause more stress... Its a deadly cycle.
How can I get through to him? He knows that I'm stressed and that I want to deal with his financial issues on my own, but he refuses to listen to me. He says that I need to chill out...but how can I when no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get us out of the financial mess that we're in?