In my 3 years of being married to an ADHD spouse, I must constantly remind myself that I CANNOT compare my husband to other people and wonder why he doesn't match up. Not only is he an individual, but trying to compare him to other non-adhd husbands is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole--won't work. I can push and push and try to get him to change and ask him why he can't be "round" like everyone else, but he is a special person. I'm not saying that there aren't things that he needs to work on...by any means! But I have found myself unfairly comparing him to other people and wondering why he just doesn't "get it". I have to learn to completely change my thinking and realize that he is unique and has his own struggles that make something that might be simple for another person very difficult for him. It's a very hard learning process and I don't always remember to use that mentality. Sometimes I forget that he is in fact different and I get so very angry at his immaturity and what appears on the surface to be laziness, and the constant response from him "I wasn't thinking". If I had a dollar for every time he said that, I probably would be in a much better financial situation right now. He struggles with keeping jobs and makes a lot of impulsive decisions and constantly baffles me with his logic. But I can't expect him to be like me or anyone else for that matter. I can't change him, so I have to learn how to change the way I think if this is ever going to work. I can't see the future and I don't know if we can make it another 3 years or not without divine intervention. But I do know that if I can't stop making comparisons, I will drive myself crazy and constantly be disappointed. Not only that, but I am affecting his self-esteem in making him feel like he's not "normal". I can see that he tries and he wants to do the right thing and make me happy and although those things don't pay the bills, they do mean a lot. I just need to remember when I have to count to 10 with him that he is not my father or brother or friend or any other male figures I know. He is himself and if I love him, it means I must love him as an individual. I hope I can always remember that!