Compassion frustration

My husband of many years has been talking for decades about what he's going to do with his life. He writes (great fellowship at university, three novels and other pieces that are not finished), play music (plays guitar and violin quite well but can't get it together to record to find new music partners, play well at parties, etc.). Always hated these jobs he took out of, what,desperation, more time to play, write. We always shared our money communally, split all the housework no problem, raised our beautiful daughter - he was with her most or the time actually coz I was working full time, very stressful work - he's a great dad and grandad. But he is so often mad, anxious, bereft, mad again - never at me or family, just lots of over the top reactions, slamming of drawers or whatever,  constantly loses stuff, cannot plan ahead, has trouble rising to meet challenges, can't stop talking on same topics - like what he's going to change tomorrow ( this exhausts me!)! Often does not follow through on regular stuff. I'm the organizer, moneymaker, planner, socializer, listener,  keep it together person. Now we are retired, thank God, we made it this far, and I thank my lucky stars for him and our family. My question is, at long last, when do I get to lose it? I am so used to being the compassionate angel, now sometimes I just want to scream and cry and tell him off for all the crap I've done over 50! years to deal with his morbid procrastination. But that probably would not be very helpful, lol. I'm learning more about adhd and it makes so much sense of what baffled me for years. My daughter and grandson have signs of it and are being tested. I can see it in some of my husbands other relatives, too. So this forum is really helpful for we loved ones to share our frustrations without causing more harm. Thanks for any advice, from old married folks especially. I will always be with my husband, I love him. I just needed to say that he's driving me up a wall after 10 months of retirement. Much love and support to all of you out there struggling with this.