Having to ask for sex is demeaning. Having to ask for sex, being told "yes", anticipating intimacy, and then nothing happening is cruel. Having an ADD partner has it's challenges, but none is more difficult for me than the yo-yo of our sex life. He and I deal with my life long depression and my medications greatly affect my ability to be aroused. Consequently our sex life tends to be one sided. That does not bother me, and I actually get pleasure from watching my husband's pleasure, but sometimes it needs to be my turn.
I realize that planning is not the strong suit of ADD. I realize that I am fighting an uphill battle, but it is difficult to find yourself, and your needs, at the bottom of the list every time. The tricks used at work to remember important information can also be used to remember personal preferences. I know in our younger years that arousal came easily, but things are different now, my meds are stronger now and I need stimulus to cause my brain to do the work my body used to do so easily.
Sex for me is much more than physical pleasure. It noticably eases my depression and gives me the feeling of being loved, which also seems to affect my depression. I have explained that to my husband over and over, and still he does not initiate sex until I have requested it multiple times and then probably lost my temper, which is really just a response to hurt feelings. Half of the pleasure is feeling desired, not needy. Knowing that he finds me attractive and wants only me. Repeatedly asking to be invited to the party, takes away much of the pleasure. It makes me feel like I am too much work.
If anyone has dealt with this and has a suggestion for a frustrated 58 year old, I would greatly appreciate it.