Confused and Afraid ADDer

I was diagnosed about one year ago.I struggle every single day with all the extra effort I have to put forth just to function.I have started medication and I think oit is working.My wife on the other hand does not.We argue a lot and I'm scared that she doesn't love me any more.She is always telling me what I am doing wrong.Neve4r apologizes when she is wrong.Even when I do something correctly , she is still very critical. She is also dealing with my son who has some issues also, for that reason,I try not to disagree with her. When I start to get very angry I walk away and try to calm down.She thinks I'm trying to walk away from the problem , but I'm not.All I want is for her to be safe and happy. (whatever it takes to get her to that point)Any help at all would be so greatly appreciated.I do have to say that I tend not to apologize.Sometimes I don't think that I am being hurtful.WHEN i AM ,IT IS NOT ON PURPOSE.I love my family with every bit of my soul.I don't know what I would do without them.Just thinking about life without them makes me sick to my stomach.(not suicidal!!!)I am going back to my counselor,I really need some help.

Kudos to you for getting

Kudos to you for getting diagnosed and being willing to try medication.  Many of us would be grateful for those first steps! 

A couple things came to mind as I read your post:   It sounds like your wife has hit the angry/hopeless stage.  It sounds like you really do want your marriage to work.  Can the two of you get some counseling together...with someone who understands adult ADHD?  It is great that you're going back to your counselor for help, but it sounds like you both could use some help together.

Also...you admit to not apologizing much...because you don't think you're being hurtful or not doing it on purpose.  I get it...your intentions are in the right place.  But that does not erase the fact that your wife feels hurt or wronged or whatever.  She deserves to be able to feel what she feels and deserves to have those feelings validated or at least considered by you.  You'd be surprised how much a little validation can do...letting her know that while you didn't intend to hurt her/forget/etc, you do realize that it affected her and for that you can apologize.  In terms of you walking away when angry and her feeling like you are walking away from the problem...have you tried communicating to her that you just want some time to cool down and process and agree on a set time to pick up the discussion in the near future? 

Anyway...I am no therapist or expert...just some thoughts that came to mind after reading your post...

Thank You

Some times I try to explain.But she is too far into this situation for excuses.I just have to buckle down and work extremely hard.I love her sooo much.I just want her to be happy and safe.

I admire your concern for

I admire your concern for your wife's happiness and safety.  But you are BOTH human beings in this relationship and both of you need to contribute to its growth.  I get that she is angry and fells too far gone...trust me...I know what that's like...but just as I couldn't work on my relationship alone (because my ADHD BF chose NOT to), neither can you.  One person cannot make a relationship healthy and whole.  This will take both of you.  Have either of you read Melissa's book?  She talks about both sides and how both people are responsible for their behaviors and reactions to symptoms.

New To This

I am very new to this type of relating.My wife may have,but my problem is I forget so much.Like I said this is all new to me.I have a long road ahead of me.IT IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY,BUT i'M IN FOR THE LONG HAUL.Oops,bumped the caps.

Good luck, Bill.  You're off

Good luck, Bill.  You're off to a good start.  Hopefully you can find a counselor or ADHD coach...someone who KNOWS about adult ADHD...otherwise you won't get the type of help you need.  Read some books if you haven't already.  I sincerely hope you and your wife can some together and turn things around for the benefit of your union.