Forum topic: connecting

Hi all, I shared this with another partner of an ADD person and she suggested I shared it here. It's about the ADDer not actually connecting with you when you think they are, and the confusion this can bring. My partner is undiagnosed ADD but neither of us realised this until a few months into the relationship. In the early days I thought my darling hyperfocussing man was with me all the way - but soon things became a little strange and it became obvious to me that he just wasn't always there with me when I thought he was! So we talked about it and because he wants this relationship to work as much as I do we together decided on a strategy, which I have applied a few times, and here it is; When he is disconnected from me in a close situation I look him in the eyes, put my hand over his heart, and say to him 'I am touching your heart'. He then puts his hand on my heart and looks at me too. It gives him a physical and emotional jolt and brings him into the present moment.... for a moment at least :-) Do you have some strategies that you have tried? Care to share? Good making your acquaintance :-) Tids

Comments

You have a great idea for what I think of as a "positive refocus" and it works in part because your partner agrees with it.

I have a different one with my husband - if he seems to be getting off on a tangent and losing me and everyone else in the room, I have a signal I give him.  Now that he knows that I'm just cuing him, he thinks this is okay.  Back when he thought I was trying to harass him or cut in on him, it didn't work so well!

Melissa Orlov

Thats interesting Melissa, that there's a name for what we came up with! Yes it works because we both agree on it, but even more so, because we both came up with it together.... finding creative solutions together is important, and fortunately comes naturally to both of us when need demands. Cueing your husband is good too, but with my partner it needs to be very directly physical as well as verbal or visual.... preferably all three! I am learning :-)