I would like to know if any of your ADHD partners display thoughts and emotions which are disproportionate to reality? This includes paranoid or conspiratorial thought processes, mistrust of Government or people or employers?
My husband was diagnosed about 18 months ago but since starting medication (Vyvanse) appears to have deteriorated in relation to the above. He has always disliked the Government and has never had much respect for authority in general, but he now seems to get transfixed on certain things and I am starting to think there is something more, and perhaps more serious, going on. He feels things so intensely and his emotional outbursts (always bad) seem to be even more elevated and I am starting to feel a bit unsafe given some things he is starting to say.
I'd be interested to hear about others' experiences on this Forum? I have been contemplating speaking to his treating psychiatrist as something is feeling very "off" to me.
Thank you.
Trust your gut
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
My ADHD husband definitely exhibited a bit of this. Government mistrust and general raging against basic societal norms like working for a living. However, for the most part it was a mildly aggravating trait vs. something that felt unsafe or like part of another disorder. I think what you describe is much more intense and if your gut is telling you there is something more, I would trust that you know what you're seeing.
Thank you for your insights;
Submitted by Exhausting on
Thank you for your insights; you are right, my gut is never far wrong.
Hyper focus....
Submitted by c ur self on
What I have experienced is what ever my spouse is hyper focused on, is all consuming...Thankfully most of the things she does this with (people, places, things) isn't unsafe or psychotic in nature....I can see where over thought at unsafe levels can be dangerous...Especially where fear or mistrust is involved, and it can cause mental instability...I think you are right to follow up....
c
It is definitely hyperfocus .
Submitted by Exhausting on
It is definitely hyperfocus .. seems to come in waves. At the moment we have a calm household but I fear it's the calm before the storm .. again. Thanks for your insights and advice.
Waves never stop (in nature
Submitted by Non-ADHD-Hubby on
Waves never stop (in nature and in an ADHD household). Just count on it happening again and it won't be so exhausting lol!
For real though if you can come to terms with acknowledging that ADHD is there for good (there is no cure), along with the mutual practicing of managing the ADHD symptoms, things will improve. Key is you BOTH have to want to sincerely improve things.
You will find yourself "having to put up with" conspiracy theories, anger (in your partner and yourself), less and less. There will be setbacks but nothing worthwhile comes easy.
love the wave analogy...
Submitted by c ur self on
I think that analogy (the ocean's surface) works for all human's....Some can just go from gently rolling waves to a crashing storm surge quickly!!! lol...
c
Thanks to the poster that
Submitted by Dontfeellikeapadman on
Thanks to the poster that said trust your guts and you know what you're seeing. My hubby is obsessed with all of it. yeah i get some of it but like still to this day listening to doom and gloom podcasts daily and whatever else. I am sure it plays on his mental state of mind but not according to him.
Overboard
Submitted by Pelican11 on
Wow, for sure my experience is that people with ADHD can hyperfocus, but this does feel a bit extreme. I would for sure speak with his treating psychiatrist, something does seem off, especially if you are feeling unsafe. That is not okay....
Thank you. Generally a
Submitted by Exhausting on
Thank you. Generally a psychiatrist won't speak to a spouse or significant other without the consent of the patient so I probably won't be in a position to do this without my husband's knowledge which will not achieve anything.
Paranoia destroying my relationship
Submitted by TheCoolAunt on
My ADHD boyfriend of 7 years has slowly morphed into a conspiracy theorist. And now he has become paranoid about me. He swears I cheated on him and he couldn't be farther from right. I think this may be a result of financial stress he has been under. Any tips on how to get him out of this hyper-focused thinking and realize he is wrong about me? He refuses to take medication because... well, they are all bad for you in his mind.
Sorry, no
Submitted by Swedish coast on
Sadly, there's no way I know to get around ADHD hyperfocus attention or distrust. Logic doesn't seem to work. Neither does considerate soothing. The ADHD partner will in my experience just recoil.
Sometimes ignoring the distrust or trouble seems to make it go away with time. But I don't know why.
Ugh... that was what I
Submitted by TheCoolAunt on
Ugh... that was what I assumed but was hoping I was wrong. He is being quiet on that whole ridiculous 'cheating' thing but I know it is still lurking in his brain.
Just as I feared, sigh. Thank
Submitted by TheCoolAunt on
Just as I feared, sigh. Thank you.
No relief
Submitted by adhd32 on
Paranoia in one way or another is a theme in my Hs ADHD life. Someone is always trying to take advantage of him, according to him. He has literally made a fool out of himself at the bank and stores insisting they were cheating him when after the fact it was discovered HE was wrong. He would not let them explain the charges just made a scene. No respect for authority, literally argued w police when stopped for speeding. He felt he was being singled out even though he was breaking the speed limit. (edited), if he were polite he might have gotten a warning but instead got 2 tickets. Pathetic that he cannot see who the real problem is. I tell him to look at the common denominator.
I literally could have
Submitted by Exhausting on
I literally could have written your response! I have also used that exact phrase with him .. "who is the common denominator here?". I wish his awareness of others' shortcomings translated to his own self-awareness, but alas not.
Look for the common denominator...
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
While this may feel like attempting to educate, I fear that this is also an expression of contempt towards one partner. Tone of voice would be important, of course, but given the context of this conversation, thinking it's probably not soft and gentle. Contempt is, of course, highly correlated with divorce according to John Gottman's research.
As for the hyperfocus on conspiracy theories...there is a lot of that going on these days, and at least some think that part of the issue is that people have lost their tribes and that the conspiracy creates an easy way of feeling 'part of' something bigger and important. It is easy to see how people who are feeling disconnected at home might be looking for connection in other places. It's also possible, though, that the medication is upping hyperfocus to a higher degree than might be desired, or is increasing levels of anxiety (relieved by the conspiracy conversations). It may be hard to broach that as a topic, and it's really hard to tease out what is the state of our country vs. individual issues, but I put that out there...
Not contempt
Submitted by adhd32 on
Just pointing out the obvious in a normal voice, not an overly gentle and soft voice because if I use a different way of speaking I am accused of patronizing him and treating him like an idiot. There is no discussion after his outburst because he is right and everyone else is not. Further discussion is pointless. Convincing him with proven facts is a recipe for an argument. He tries to drag me into disagreements of which I am not a party, and then says I'm always taking the other person's side. I won’t pretend I agree just to keep the peace. How is it possible that we patronize the same stores and other businesses and yet I never have an argument or felt cheated by anyone and he has problems every single day? It is exhausting listening to his monologue about how stupid everyone else is, why they do things a certain way, how they drive etc.. When I am in public with him and this behavior starts I walk away. I do not want my presence to indicate that I agree with his behavior and I am in a no win situation if I try to diffuse the situation. No lesson is learned from one situation and applied to the next one. It's like Groundhog Day. Rinse, lather, repeat.
H has always been suspicious, claiming people were trying to cheat him or disrespectful to him when this was never true. Maybe it isn't the case for many w ADHD but it has been true for the nearly 45 years I have known him. Again, no amount of convincing would change his mind and I could count on an argument if any situation was brought up where he could have done something differently to avoid alienating yet another person.
How I feel your pain
Submitted by Exhausting on
Oh yes, how I can relate and how I feel your struggles. Everything you have said about your experiences is what I have experienced. It is indeed exhausting, hence my moniker. Sending love and strength. I have always found your feedback to be a great support, adhd32.
Oh no, I am so sorry. And
Submitted by TheCoolAunt on
Oh no, I am so sorry. And sadly it seems that reasoning with them does not help. i see that happening for me... and another person reiterated it. If only they would get help, ugh.
No way to reason
Submitted by adhd32 on
If one tries to reason w him or explain things it just makes things worse and sets him off. I have fully embraced just letting him be wrong. If it is a public place I step away instead of trying to calm things down.. I do this because I have been accused of not defending him or taking sides against him.. A little paranoid maybe?? No correction, no assistance, no longer stand by. I just let him dig himself in deeper and deeper. When he sits and ponders his actions and realizes his behavior was extreme he will blame the other person or minimize his role and I remain silent. He will try to get me to agree with him but I remain mute. The only thing I say to him is that it has nothing to do with me and I am not going to agree with you so just stop.