Constant Frustration

I have been married to my husband for 4 years and with him for 7, and we have been living together for almost the full 7 years. I love my husband so incredibly much but sometimes I feel so frustrated by his ADHD that I get overwhelmed and don't know how to deal with it. My husband just got put back on a medication 3 weeks ago for his ADHD and I am hoping to see some changes. It took this long to get him to start taking medication again. He was on medication when we met, but stopped taking it about 3 months into our relationship. When we first got together he was so attentive and so passionate. He seemed to not want to focus on anything but me for the first few months in our relationship. I slowly started to see areas where his ADHD effected his life. He spends a lot of time on his computer and video games and gradually he would spend more and more time playing these games and being online as the months and years went by. I really started to see where his lack of focus and inability to make good choices when we were talking about getting engaged. We were looking at engagement rings and in his mind he could not see why we would spend a lot of money on a ring when he could save up money to get a new gaming system that would be fun for him. He didn't even want to spend $400 on my engagement ring. I ended up getting a ring I didn't want as much for just over $200 because he wanted to save his money for his gaming system. I finally broke down and told him how it made me feel that something as special as my engagement ring was not as important as his gaming system. He realized how selfish it had been and apologized, but the hurt was still there. I didn't understand this at the time, but I have grown to understand that all of these type of events were symptoms of how his brain works.

After we got married he was still in college so I have been the one supporting him, but when I have asked him to get a part time job to help support us when we have been unable ot pay bills he gets angry and frustrated because he doesn't want to take on too much or get overwhelmed. Even after I got pregnant and lost my job and we had no money, trying to get him to apply for a job even though he had evenings and weekends free was a challenge, and he never got a job. I understand that it's very hard for him to juggle a lot in his life, but it feels like he doesn't want to support his family and that hurts and frustrates me. I have discussed this with him many times and it constantly feels like a battle, and I am the bad guy who doesn't understand. When it comes to little things like mailing something, or paying a bill, or filling out paperwork, I either have to do it for him, or constantly nag him to do it. He then gets angry and frustrated at me for nagging him. I get angry and blow up at him or try to control everything myself by doing everything myself, which then makes him feel like I do not trust him to do anything and he resents me. I really try hard to understand his ADHD and to take into consideration all of the symptoms and effects that his ADHD has on all the areas of his life, but sometimes it feels like a never ending and losing battle that I have no control over. We talk about this so much and it causes so much frustration and hurt feelings. He knows I love him and support him, but he is hurt that although I understand the role ADHD had in his life, I still get frustrated. I am desperately hoping that this medication helps him because with a baby due any day, I am so scared that of how his ADHD will impact our family. He still has a hard time focusing on anything except the things he likes, such as video games, and stuff on the internet. I am very optimistic about him getting put back on medication, but also very scared and worried about the future. I know I am committed to him, and to making out marriage work, but it sometimes feels like a losing battle.

Best loving wishes to you.

The habits and attitudes you "make do" with in a relationship will become a way of life.  Choose well from the beginning. I know you feel you NEED to love and support the to-be father of your child. I did too. But you don't HAVE to love someone just because you are pregnant or married.  Be true to your REAL feelings.  And don't give your self (your integrity and sanity) away to someone who does not show YOU that he cares. Keep your self respect.   Please find family members (mom and/or dad), grandparent, extended older family member to confide EVERYTHING to.  You are very likely emotional at this time before giving birth and you should have loving guidance to go through this .  Get LOTS of support from someone. Get the love, financial and caretaking that you would if a beloved mom and grandparent were living with you. As much as you can gather from where ever you can find it.  You need to have an adult in your life that you can depend on.  Do not try to be dependent on your man-child....that would be frustrating. We cannot grow them up by doing or saying the right thing.  Growing up is something that each person must do on their own.  Right now you are the only adult in your household. You need your strength to be a good mom.  Even if your parents may not SEEM supportive, someone WILL understand more than you might think. Give them a chance...especially mom. Remember she loved a little baby just as much as you will love your little one to come. There are people out there who can help you if you let them in.

Growing up means that you are able to love others and things outside of yourself and are able to work and put off your own immediate pleasure or comfort for that love.

I really wish you the best. I

I really wish you the best. I got pregnant before the hyper-focus wore off, so I didn't know what I had got myself into. He was a selfish father-to-be and a more selfish father. Call it adhd.....but I call it selfish and lazy too. I hope yours straightens up, but after 3 years of being everything for mine, I'm out of here come early 2014. I just can't live with the man. It is way too stressful and causes much anger for me. 

Oh and about the ring, during hyper focus mine talked about upgrading my ring. I never got my upgrade, but his car sure did. 

My husband does get

My husband does get hyperfocused, and he is frustrating, but he is also a wonderful man. He supports me through a lot. There is bad but there is also a lot of good. Luckily he just graduated from college with 2 college degrees and another certification for more job opportunities. He did also just find out today he has a job at walmart to have until he can get a job teaching at a high school. There are many moments I feel he is lazy and frustrating, but at the time time I see how hard he tries.