Constantly being accused of being unfaithful and zero trust

I have been with my husband for 10 years. 

From the get go out relationship wasn't like anything I had been in before. It's was fun and exciting and fiery but then there was these anger outbursts that I've never experienced in my life. I'd never been spoken to or more 'at' in that way before. So negatively and hurtful. But for some reason I kept coming back for more. My husband has very unmanaged adhd and I have recently been diagnosed with adhd. There were a few things that happened at the start of our relationship that I was dishonest about but they were all things that happened before I met my husband that he has questioned on to him but due to his level of anger I was so confronted and I guess scared I wasn't honest about them because I didn't want to make him even angrier and i was also scared to loose him or make him dislike me. I know that was wrong and I am been honest with them now. So i can understand the level of trust is minimal but he can't seem to see the way he acts and reacts to situations has made it hard to talk to about things civil or without being cut off mid sentence to be told I'm wrong. 

Long story short. One wedding and 2 kids later I am still being accused. When we first met my husband wouldn't commit to me. He kept me at arms length and told me we were just friends. So i kept talking/flirting with other people but i didnt actually see anyone .I'mbeing accused of sleeping with people I was just messaging, I'm being accusing of walking of of a bar with someone (which I did but I went to an atm) and doing sexualising acts with them and then coming back inside the bar and going home with my now husband.

We have had 5 million arguments about these situations and it's always the same. The angre level is through the roof, he doesn't listen, doesn't see any type of reason, CUTS me off from talking, tells me what I've done then expects me to admit to it. To make matters worse I have only just found out he actually did sleep with someone else during our relationship and he had lied to me about it for 10 years. So now I don't know if his accusations are stemmed from guilt or from something else. I completely shut down. I am seeing a psychologist who's told me I have dissociation and just shut down now when there is any conflict.  

I know our relationship hasn't been the healthiest from the start, but I have tried to own what I've done but I can't keep going. The level is angry is so mental and there is no way you can have a civil conversation and i just shut down. And then a switch is flicked and he is fine again.