Constantly nitpicking, never lets go

Hi, reaching out for a sanity check. I'm the non-adhd spouse. Husband has appt for medication next month. Had ADHD entire life, untreated. I'm trying to hold out to see what happens with medication. But in the meantime...

I keep reading that a trait of ADHD is that a person can forget an issue and move right along. This is not the case with my spouse. He is still holding on to what he considers injustices from years ago and wants to constantly revisit them, analyze them, just beat it to death. The thing is, these have all been resolved. He cannot recall those conversations. And he cannot move on. In addition, about every 3 days there is something else about me or about our relationship that he wants to put under a microscope and dismantle and question every aspect of. It is making me insane! It's just so negative all the time. I cannot stand it. When I get defensive and irritated after fielding this, I am blamed for getting defensive and just politely trying to move on, or tell him this isn't the time for this discussion (because it's usually at 10pm at night or while I'm trying to get ready for work or Christmas Eve or some other equally inappropriate time to nitpick and cause a disturbance.).

He says he doesn't trust me, although I've never been unfaithful and he knows that and says he doesn't worry about that. He doesn't trust that I won't do "something" to hurt him. 

The irony is, I feel I spend every day trying to move forward from the horror show that our relationship has been for the last 2 years, primarily due to ADHD and the impacts of that on our life. The injustice of him continually telling me everything that I do wrong, and him pointing out all of my faults, while I stand by and be the best, most understanding spouse I can be, just makes me boil. His emotional disregulation has been so extreme I've had to have him removed from our home, his finances have left me short on rent, his car is forever undrivable, the medical disasters are frequent, our friends are weary of him...but it's ME who can't be trusted??

Has anyone else experienced their ADHD spouse not letting grievances go? Nitpicking something to death? Not remembering resolution?

We are barely talking as I type this.