Contradictory messages about spouses' role

Hi.  I'm wondering if anyone else can relate to something that frustrates me very much.  My husband, who has been diagnosed at various points with depression, anxiety, and ADHD, has seen many therapists over the years and has taken medications on and off.  Some of those forays into treatment have been at my encouragement or insistence.  I have occasionally received indirect feedback from the therapists, most notably the person who said I should butt out and the person who said I should come in for sessions with my spouse.  It's very frustrating to me that the mental health experts haven't agreed what the role of a spouse to a person with a severe mental health problem should be. Now, maybe they haven't agreed because either there isn't only one good answer or there is no good answer to this question.  But then couldn't the experts then at least tell us, the affected spouses, that there isn't a good answer and offer us some understanding for the difficult, confusing position we're in?  I often get the message, in books and magazine articles and online, that I, the spouse of a severely dysfunctional 60-year-old man, should be able to make him functional, even though mental health professionals with years of training haven't succeeded.  If anyone can feel my pain, please respond.  Thank you!