This is my first time posting. This site seems like a lifeline right now. I don’t have anyone else in my life that understands what it’s like to be married to someone affected by this disorder.
My husband is able to “hyper focus” and has achieved considerable educational and professional success as a doctor. But when he’s not working he wants to “turn off his brain” and be free from responsibility or the drudgery of everyday life. He just wants things to be “easy,” “light,” and “fun.” He feels as though he’s earned this right because of how hard he works and how much money he makes (the money part is new—we’ve been together almost 15 years and I’ve financially supported us through most of that time while he was in school and training). I try to take what I can off of his plate (but I work full time as well), and hire help to make up for his absenteeism (of the mental and physical variety). But it’s a lonely existence, and the difficulties have compounded since our first child was born last year. Deep down he knows he has ADD/ADHD, and he takes RX meds to help him focus at work (and downers so he can sleep at night after taking those uppers, so I’m on baby duty all night every night). Has never been to a psychiatrist or therapist for treatment. But because society sees him as this super smart, successful doctor, he feels like doesn’t really have a problem. I’m having trouble getting through to him, and I hate how this situation makes him view me as a needy, nagging, Debbie Downer. I’m afraid we aren’t going to make it.
Any words of advice?