Some months ago, I started to post here, when I was coping with the failure of my relationship.  

I told my experience in two threads, so I will not repeat any of it:

My Ex-SO has certainly some serious traits that are typical for ADD, and also some of Asperger's.   But with further research, I came to the conclusion that the behavior, which destroyed the relationship, was also narcissistic.    Yet when I started to post here, it was after reading, that so many of the other posters have experienced the same kind of devastation due to the apparent or real selfishness and inconsideraton.   

That made me wonder, if I was busy with a wrong question, when I attempted to find out, if what destroyed the relationship was ADD or Narcissism, as if both are mutually exclusive.  
ADD and Aspeger's traits are considered as hardwired into the brain, while NPD is supposed to be acquired as a reaction to childhood trauma.

  • Could it be, that a child, who experiences serious failure and troubles because of having ADD reacts with developping narcissism as a strategy to cope with low self-esteem?   
  • Could the selfish, inconsiderate, hurting behaviors, that are so often experienced by the partners of ADD-men, are a form of acquired comorbid narcissism?   
  • Could there roughly be two subgroups of ADD-men, those who have the insight of having a problem, needing and accepting support, and those, who have developped a narcissistic entitlement and grandiosity delusion, so that they deny to have any problem, instead attributing the partner's devastation as her own flaw?