H is building some shelves out in the garage. Oh I knew I was going to do a multitude of things wrong when he asked for help. I only had to hold a board level a few times while he drilled some screws in. Well as you can imagine, I certainly couldn't do that without him telling me I was either holding it to tight or not tight enough! Then came the big thing which he explicitly explained to me like I was 10 years old. I was going to have to hold the other end of the board as it came through the electric saw. I was going to have to hold it level with his end or it wouldn't go through. No sh*t! So he goes on one end of to saw and tells me "There's a button on the left". I look and see no button. He repeats "on the left" I keep looking and there's no button. Once again with emphasis he goes "ON THE LEFT!" I scream at him "This is the left and there's NO button!" He goes "My left!" Well why the f**k didn't you say that or "the other left" the first time rather than repeating "on the left" louder 3 times assuming I would get it! The he tells me to hit the button. I see something that looks like a button but it can't be pushed. He rolls his eyes at me as I'm trying to push the button and give me the "oh my god why can't you get this simple thing right" laugh. I then try lifting it up and then it goes. Well it's not a button, it's a lever! Then he just called me out again to help him hold the board. This time he goes off on me saying I need to hold the board up higher and not twist it because now the cut is all wonky. I'm not twisting the damn board! My god I pull the board and I should be pushing it, I move slow when I should be moving fast. It doesn't matter it's going to be wrong!!Why in the hell does he even ask me to help him when both he and I know I'm not going to do it "right"? I think he assumes that it's such an easy task there's no way I can screw it up. Of course I end up feeling like a total idiot every time.
I am so tired of being yelled at for the most minor of things! I know damn well if anyone else was helping him he would have said "I mean my left, sorry" in a nice tone. Why does he bully me like that?! And he wonders why his co workers and most people in general don't like him!
It is NOT YOU.....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
None of this is because of you. You are not causing this.
Thankfully, I have a sister who is a therapist otherwise I'd be insane by now. You are just the nearest and easiest whipping boy. If you were across town during this shelf-making, he would have found an excuse to pick a fight with you. "Uh, I had to make the shelves all by myself because you were........... I really could have used the help, but you don't care. You just care that you're getting new shelves. You're just using me. You're so self-centered. A real wife would have stay home so that she could be there to help with this project."
It doesn't matter. I didn't see my H for over 2 months (he moved out and was living with his brother), yet I still got blamed when he lost his house key (when he tried to later get into the house to get some things).
According to him, I "should have known" that he would be "locked out without a key". (uh, I'm supposed to be a mind-reader?). H was literally screaming at me on the phone. Lucky for me, H didn't realize that his brother could over-hear him.. and that was the beginning of his brother realizing that he didn't really know his brother (my H), at all.
Seriously, H actually yelled at me because he was locked out of the house because he had lost his key. I was 200 miles away from our home, so I couldn't let him in. And I certainly could not have known that he had lost his key when I hadn't seen him in over 2 months!
today there were some stressful things going on with my business. H completely dysregulated about it. I then got blamed for all the bad things that went wrong today.
Heck, I once got blamed that an acquaintance left on vacation w/o telling me. lol H insisted that I should have told her that she couldn't go on vacation. lol. I didn't even know she was going, but even if I had, what power would I have had?????
When you're dealing with mental illness, there is so much irrational thinking going on.
It is so hard to even think I
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
It is so hard to even think I'm sane anymore. It's to the point where I feel extremely gaslighted by him. I think "Am I really that stupid that I don't understand what "on the left" means when he never said his left. I mean should I have known that? Am I really so dumb that I can't hold a board the right way? Can I really not make a grilled cheese the right way? Should I really be trying harder to fold clothes the "right" way?
I never used to second guess myself. Now I can't even choose a spaghetti sauce at the store without wondering if I'm getting the "right" one!
The thing you say about not
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
The thing you say about not being there and being across town and still getting blamed rings true. I see it when I don't want to go to his race weekends. It is BORING for me. Two days of sitting at the track watching him work on his bike, focus on racing it, leave and talk to his buddies, drink, stay up until midnight carousing with his buddies while I sit in a chair and read a book. I can't even do that due to all the noise. He tells me he really likes having me there, but I don't know what for. He pretty much ignores me and I can't help him do anything because I'm an idiot. I start drinking at 9AM because there's nothing else to do. Then when I finally convince him I don't want to go, he comes home after the weekend and says "Well everyone else's wife was there cheering them on. Too bad you weren't". I know he just wants me there for show. "Oh look, my wife and I have such a great relationship. She supports me."
Classic H!
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Last night we were watching some show and the person on the show was telling someone "it's on the right" and H brought up "Geez how stupid do you have to be not to get that?" I say "Well I got schooled in that last week, didn't I?" He starts laughing and then goes "Wait what?" I remind him of him yelling "on the left" at me as he was standing opposite of me. He starts laughing uncontrollably and goes "Well what else was I supposed to say to you?" I say "How about your other left or my left"? He doesn't say anything and then literally, no joke, says to me "No I'm sure I said on YOUR RIGHT!" ARE.YOU.KIDDING ME??!!! He really believes he said that to me even when he JUST said "Well what else was I supposed to say?" This is just one small lie from him. Imagine what else he tells me and everyone around him!