My DH finally started his meds today and is no longer resistant to some type of life coach or something, so progress. However it took him 7 years to get to this point. The stress and anger we have with each other is going to take a LOOOONG time to work through however. We both want this to be worked out and it seems he finally understands how his behavior effects me.
I have an autoimmune disorder and up until 3 months ago had great well paying job that I loved. Employer did some downsizing, I lost my job to new employees with no education in that particular field (I do), the new employees also have no experience in the field, while I have 12 years in that position, 18 years with the company. Needless to say, I have had to rely on DH last few months while i file discrimination lawsuit against ex employer. this stress has me in a constant 'flare" of my disease, almost to point of applying for disability. If I don't get away from the stress our marriage will never work, as I now have gotten to see how he handles his finances...not good. He makes good $, owns a thriving business, but has no idea that you open the mail and pay it by due date, not when you feel like it. We have spent thousands on late fees alone the last 6 months.
my question is, would it be crazy to move out temporarily? My thought is that this will give us time to see what needs worked on and remind us why we want to be together. There is another more selfish thought to this on my end. We live in an extremely rural area, no jobs that I can physically do within 40 miles (because of my disease). However the city I see my speciality doctors is 65 miles away and there are numerous part time jobs I am qualified for. My thoughts were find income based apartment, stay there a few nights a week and weekends back home. Not working is setting me into depression. I have dr appointments there once weekly as well, as does DH, so this would just save time and money.
To complicate things even more we are in process of building our dream house. Of course with DH, this has been ongoing 7 years and we are finally getting somewhere with it, will hopefully be done in about a year. Honestly though, if I don't get some space from him while he learns some independence, only 1 of us will be living in "our" dream house. Opinions, thoughts, advice much appreciated!
I think you should try living
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I think you should try living separately. It makes sense to me for three reasons: it will help you personally, by giving you the ability to work; it will allow you to try out living separately; and it will allow you to see if your husband is any more mature when living separately than he is when you live together.
I still reside with my husband but I've stopped doing a lot of the chores and tasks that benefit him that I used to do. I don't do his laundry; I don't buy him groceries; I don't interfere when he's running behind. Results are mixed on improvement in his responsibility and maturity but it has lowered my stress somewhat and it has removed the basis for him to say that I'm controlling him. One area in which you'll have to tread carefully is finances; in my state, spouses are jointly liable for almost all bills and obligations. I pay most of the bills and then request reimbursement from my husband; I think it would be terrible to rely on him to pay and risk having my credit and finances ruined.