So my family is going through a crisis. Long story very very short, my daughter was sexually taken advantage of, and now, she thinks she may be pregnant from that encounter. Shes a great kid, and is going through a very scary, very upsetting time right now.
My husband is being a complete jerk, as usual. His feelings are the most important things in the world right now, and while i understand that stress makes everyone on edge, he is actively antagonizing me. Apparently i dont have enough on my plate!
A couple of weeks ago, i was trying very hard to talk to him about all of this. There was the usual constant interruption and rudeness which i was annoyed by, but did not react to. It really is incredibly frustrating when a 5 minute conversation on a serious topic gets derailed so often that it ends up taking a whole night and still doesnt actually get finished.
I was trying to talk to him, and he was finding fault with everything i had to say. Wrong word! Wrong tone! I had a look on my face! Even me taking a gulp of water and exhaling afterwards was unbearably offensive to him and he just had to tell me that i needed to watch my sighing because it was so rude and he was about ready to shut the conversation down if i continued. Mmmhmm.
I said, in a very very neutral tone, that i did not sigh and I had just exhaled after taking a big gulp of water. He started meowing over me. Yes, MEOWING. Like a cat. And laughing manaically about it.
"Please stop tha--" "MEOW MEOW MEOW!! Haha!"
"This is serious. Im trying to tal--" "Meow meow meeeow meow hahahaha meow meow MEOW!"
"Knock it of--" "Hahahahaa MEOW MEOW!"
"Okay i can see tha--" "MEOW!!!! MEOW!!"
I have no idea what the hell he thought he was doing. He kept it up for a few minutes, and if i even opened my mouth, he would scream meows at me before I said anything.
Finally I told him to eff off. He was shocked! Stunned! Screamed at me about how abusive I am, what a monster I am, and how he does not deserve to be treated with such disrespect and stormed out. He messaged me an hour later to tell me that he expected an apology for how terriblyI treated him. I replied telling him that the meowing was a huge catalyst and that he really needed to apologize to me.
Cue temper tantrum. Cue denial. He never meowed. I was making this up to make him look bad. I was gaslighting him! Im deflecting and lying to try to blame him! I need to apologize immediately for attacking him out of the blue! Screech screech screech, then he went to sleep in the spare room.
The next day, he messaged me asking if i was over my fit ans was ready to apologize to him for my verbal abuse. I mentioned the meowing again, and he suddenly remembered, but it was actually to lighten the mood and its my fault for being too sensitive and serious. He saw it on a show once and he found that funny and he thought it would be a good icebreaker. Wtf. At any rate, i needed to apologize for not laughing at his joke too. When i refused, he blocked me for the rest of the day, unblocking only to tell me how horrible i was to him for that, then blocking me before i could reply.
Thats the most out there example but there have been so many since the whole situation with our daughter came up. Today, he messaged me to ask if i called a repairman for the washing machine. I didnt respond for ten whole minutes-- because i was doing something else. He imaptiently messaged me again, i stopped what i was doing to reply that I had set up an appointment. Of course there wasnt a thank you or even an acknowledgement. Just complaints and aggression about how i wasted his time by not replying for ten whole minutes. Last night, i mentioned that he hurt my feelings. The reply? "No i didnt. Tough sh!t. Get over it. Apologize because you actually hurt MY feelings" Thing is, i had hurt his feelings earlier and I did apologize. He talked through it to demand I apologize. Then told me that it wasn't sincere enough. Then stormed out--- and messaged me to demand that i finally apologize to him because i hadnt even tried to.
I dont need this crap. He sabotages every serious or sad situation because he is so rude and antagonistic and tries to make everything about how he feels. I need a partner, not someone who just fans the flames and adds a whole bunch of issues that dont need to be there. Im tired to explaining to him how to be not-a-jerk. Im tired of explaining over and over that other people have feelings too, and he doesnt get to decide what upsets them or not. Im tired of putting up with his rude, crazy, alternate reality behavior. And now hes mad because i dont lean on him or talk to him about anything serious and it feels like I dont love him anymore-- gee, such a mystery.
I made a huge mistake in being with him. Im growing to hate him more and more by the day. I got married for a partnership-- not to have MEOW screamed at me.
Im sorry to vent at you guys, but I figured if anyone would understand, it would be you. Its awful having to deal with bonkers, antagonistic behavior on top of anything else in your life, and no one really understands. They really dont believe that he is as out there as I say, and the advice is, "just talk to him". He even has the therapist completely snowed-- so charming. Im the mean one, and im a total liar, apparently.
Ugh. Im so over all of this. I just want to take care of my daughter.