If my bf takes something I am saying as criticism, the focus turns from the issue I brought up and my feelings about it to his feelings of being criticized and telling me how wrong I am. He has a situation-specific rationalization for everything he does, but sometimes he is the first to criticize me if he thinks I am affecting his time or money. Then if my feelings disagree with his intentions or recollection of what happened, my feelings are wrong. It's like I have to pay vigilant attention to certain things about his life but he can randomly decide when something is or isn't important.
For example, he recently started a new job that is hourly. He started obsessing about his time to the point where he said commuting from his parents' house or my place costs him 1-2 hours of money at work plus gas money, so he decided to stay with his cousins. He pays them monthly rent and he says it's worth it for the short commute. He has spent a total of three to four days there in three weeks. He got so focused on money that he would skip lunch and almost devalue his off-time as not being lucrative. I won't even go into his recent over-spending, and I don't go down that road with him because it's his money. This is frustrating for me to watch, but I try not to say much about it.
I asked him to do me a favor two weeks ago and be at my apartment while they were inspecting it. It was done early and he missed 1-2 hours of work. He acted like it was no problem (I even offered to pay him), but during a later argument he held it against me. He also has said things in the past like "don't you know how busy I am," as if I don't know or don't support him. I know that's a product of him feeling overwhelmed, but he puts the accountability on me in a way. Yesterday apparently he wasn't feeling well and wanted to catch up on some things at home, so he left work early and drove to go do that. I wanted to say, do you know how busy you are? I don't understand how leaving work early and driving so far is in line with anything he has been saying about time and money. I know I shouldn't be concerned, but I was upset that he has lectured me on his time and money (as if I impact either, which I don't) and then treats both so loosely when he feels like it. Granted, he is often easygoing about these topics, but they come up in arguments as ammunition on his end. I feel like I have to be hyper-sensitive to those topics because it may be held against me later. If he doesn't like what I'm saying he tells me I'm wrongly characterizing what actually happened. I think he has a tendency to get really excited about things and then cut corners or blame others when he has trouble keeping up. In my frustration I questioned whether he is serious about his job, which I know I shouldn't have said. I just don't know why he always has a rationalization for being inconsistent but sometimes talks to me like I have no idea that his time is valuable. Deflection, perhaps? And then he withdraws and says things like "you can think whatever you want" and "I don't need your validation." I wouldn't mind the inconsistencies if he didn't sometimes lecture me about his time.
I want to add that overall we have been getting along pretty well lately. This catch-22 never seems to go away though.