I don’t know. I don't know what I should do anymore. Many of the things my husband has done I am still trying to figure out if they belong to his personality or his ADD.
For instance, my husband has lied about BIG things like spending money allocated to his bills (more than once), to lying about teeny tiny things like cleaning the bathroom and doing laundry during the day.
Also, he’s a man with a worthless word (meaning, he’ll say I’m not drinking tonight, or I’m going to clean the bathroom right now, I’m going to read about this that and the other and almost NEVER does/follow through). It’s hard to take him at his word because 1. He’s never held himself accountable for his words and 2. Sometimes seems like he’ll say ANYTHING…..
And that sentence above is a good segue into my next point in which is that he doesn’t know himself enough to stand firm on something he believes in, which in turn makes him argue in circles….NOTHING is more frustrating than pointing out to your spouse that he is currently arguing the side you are on, when we only started arguing because he stood firmly on the other side. He continually asks for support, but how do I support him when I don’t even know where he stands? It’s so confusing.
Also stemming from above, he can’t be direct about ANYTHING! For instance this conversation transpired one day on the way home in the car:
Husband: so I thought about it, aaaand I don’t want to have kids with my sperm
Me: ooook???? How did you come to that conclusion
Husband: well I spoke with so and so and basically he regrets having kids because they face the problems he faced as a kid and it’s horrible blah blah blah blah blah
Me: ok well then I agree…..
Husband: I KNEW YOU DIDN’T want to have kids with me! I knew it, thanks for making me feel like a piece of sh!t……………..
This type of set up and conversation happens on a regular basis: the trap n’ bait type conversation…..so very frustrating! Then to top it off, he goes back on his word after that. “I always wanted kids, it’s you that doesn’t!”
He comes across as LAZY! If it’s cleaning then he doesn’t want to do it, in fact, if my husband doesn’t want to do something he will come up with the most ridiculous excuses including: I asked him to stop at the pharmacy for something a while back when he went out to get smokes and gas (the gas station and the pharmacy are literally across the street from each other!!) he came back without whatever it was that I asked for and told me that he didn’t want to waste gas starting the car twice so he didn’t go to the pharmacy….and he was serious, like it was a logical explanation and was upset I didn’t accept that as a valid response.
When we first moved in together we set out a list of chores for the both of us, and he’s not gone ONE week without accomplishing everything on his chore list, NOT ONE WEEK! Furthermore, the weight and responsibility of the house and our daughter's wellbeing lies squarely on me, despite trying to guilt me into giving him more responsibility. He constantly asked for more responsibility re: us, the house, our daughter but then I ask him about the things he’s responsible for (even outside the chores) and he’s not taken care of any of them…..
Also, the minute I feel put out/hurt/angry etc he’s defensive and can’t connect to what I’m saying. Like if I’m hurt by how he handled the situation/something he doesn’t understand.
I’m at a point now where I want to walk away. I’m tired of making an effort and having him continue to point out flaws in them. I’m tired of coming home to a disaster because his intent was to clean up the minute before I got home and he forgot. I’m tired of him saying what he feels like, knowing full well that it’s hurtful only to apologize about it later. I’m tired of the childishness behaviour. I’m tired of taking the brunt of everything! Picked on, despite my efforts, his laziness, his excuses, his lies, his self-entitlement and right now, his self-righteousness.
He’s burnt his bridge with a few of my family members, promising to do them some carpentry work and never did, he’s burned his bridges with a few of my friends because when he stole $600 from the family pot with only my income to support us both, I broke down in tears asking them for help on what I should do about the bills that were going to bounce, my parents no longer have patience for him, they don’t trust him, agree with his actions, and they certainly don’t respect him….
So I wonder, is it really worth it to move on….. he’s ruined his relationship with so many people I’m close to, I’d hate to think it would remain as such for ever, will I ever have a clean house where both partners contribute, someone who will listen to my feelings and address them, someone who can admit to his faults and work at trying to improve them…..will I ever have an adult as a partner, and not a child? Cause I’m not sure how much more I can handle……