Fellow ADDers, I would appreciate some unbiased comments about my situation. thank you.
I am a male with ADD, severe, had a very difficult life in the school and work world. Suffered, lost jobs, lost money the list is long and ugly. The good news is that when my troubles were at their worst and simply unbearable (I was surviving on meds, alcohol and pot) I found out about my ADD alone at the age of bloody 38.
One of those better late than never situations, i was in rock bottom big time. Paralyzed most of the time, unable to do the minimum to survive. Being married and to be honest not being sure if I made the right choice of wife as my ADD was slamming me against walls. We had a kid and then things started going horribly bad. My wife who was the sweetest thing after holiday candy for
years became a totally different person i could not recognize. During my most painful, hopeless days where depression and daily disasters were common i used to beg her to talk to me for 10 mins a week, just that, as I do not have many friends in this city and
she was the only person i could talk to. Wanted to talk about us, how we can come out of the mess we are in as a couple, finances. Basically teaming up to overcome an ugly horrible mess we were in. She had her problems and she never said to herself this guy is suffering, let me give him something just because he is the father of my kid. This was after many requests, she was stone cold and it scared me and she said everytime you sort yourself.
I realize that there was a lot resentment because of my laziness etc.... around the house but repeatedly denying somebody the minimum while this person is in real trouble. When her parents or her friends had issues she was very compassionate, when it came to me she treated me like a dead rat. I did not have energy to confront her much, I was weak and struggling.
This kept on for a good two yesr, not allowed to talk to her and sex being a rare occurence and i needed it badly in those days. Things got worse, every time she had to choose between me and friends i was not given the most basic respect, me and a statue were the same. This was even when i was right, it did not matter nothing came between her friends and family.
My condition did not matter. Things reached a point that was bad with constant arguing and she always sticking to what suits her not what suits us. In the end she said she wanted out, separation. After being reluctant to go there for the kid I had to tell her through email as i could not speak to her that I was starting the separation steps which is what she wanted.
Now she chickened out but i said enough is enough, a gang member would have more compassion than her. Stone cold no matter what. I said this woman is dangerous, I am really worried that if i have a heart attack she will not bother with CPR, I lived in a war zone for years and have not seen such cruelty between people who have things in common.
After a long time unemployed, I got a job and it was like my window to freedom, I focused on it and while i needed some time to start making decent money she had already registered for a full time course meanin she could not work anymore not that her work paid anything half decent. I was not involved and it was what it was.
Inspite of the stories i have heard about couples with ADD, this is a level of cruelty i cannot cope with. she has no conscience and no feeling day in day out over years. She is a good mom and housewife but I do not count even if I am on my deathbed. I got a book about ADD relations, she did not bother to read much citing lack of hope. I tried couselling, talking and she said no, you sort yourself. She is not willing to do anything to help our relationship, zero no matter how much i beg.
I cannot take this and as bad as my ADD was, i say was because i am medicated now and improving and doing well at work in a very long time, i am building self esteem brick by brick. Zero credit for having discovered my disease on my own, 100%. People in my support group see me as a little hero given how much i did alone to get better.
Does she have the right to do this? do i deserve this? total irrelevance and her shouting from the bottom of her gut that she hates me and hates me and hates.
In order to not have a vein rupture somewhere in my brain from all the heavy burdens most human will never experience or know that they exist, i need to get away from this. I dont think this is normal, whatever my disease and specially that i go to the bottom of it with treatment. It was a difficult journey, very difficult and now i was hoping to get a little reward and support which would be normalcy and having a human next to me. I came close to suicide but kept the faith thinking of my parents and son.
Help, thank you. I hope all you guys are doing good. this disease eventough ridiculed by some can kill your soul and you if left as is.
all the praise to my meds that simply are why i can go on, you guys know what I mean.
thank you all