Current Issue ~ tantrums from frustrations....

As I've mentioned before, my 60 year old H doesn't just have ADHD.   He has ADHD, OCD, maybe OCPD, likely Borderline PD, anxiety, depression and he's an alcoholic (semi-active).  He would also mismanage his meds a LOT until he finally gave them to me to manage....but a couple of times he has snuck into the meds and taken add'l ones.  No matter where I hide them, he finds them.  


Over the last few months, he's done a lot better than he was doing the previous 10 years.  Drinking less, raging less, but still will have major tantrums when he has some frustrating situations.


The current issue is this:   While no one can foresee and prevent all of life's hiccups, there are some that I know can be avoided.  One area is that H is NOT good at fixing things.  He either fails or it takes so long that it's not worth it.  And even where there is some success, usually it's not exactly right (not put back together right) or some other issue is wrong.   Many times he outright breaks things because he doesn't know what he's doing.  He's horrible at putting things together.   


The fact that it takes his so long to fix things makes it all worse....just more days of him being upset.  For instance, I had a belt break on my dryer.  I wanted to call a repair person.  H insisted on fixing it.  I broke the first week in January 2014.  It was NOT fixed until APRIL!!!!   Something that would take a repair person 8 minutes to fix (I know the time because I once timed a repair person).   So, I was without a dryer for over 3 MONTHS.   And during that time, H would occasionally try to fix it, get extremely upset, rage at me, and then get drunk.  


Two weeks ago, he decided to put in a new toilet.  It should have been an hour job max.   2 weeks later, toilet wasn't installed.  During that time, H would get upset, rage, and then have an excuse to drink.

It's gotten to the point that I'm now BEGGING him not to try to fix anything that he doesnt' have extensive experience (which is really   The problem is.... For the first 20 years or so, my dad used to fix everything for us.....and H would be sitting on the couch watching TV, even tho I kept begging him to work with my dad and LEARN how to fix things.   Since my dad became too ill and has since died, H has "tried" to fix things.  Often to no avail or to a worse situation.  I find it especially annoying because he had a "free" teacher for years and never bothered to avail himself.  My dad was a GREAT teacher, but the ADHD part of H (the now, not now) problem is that in real-time, dad was there, so H couldn't foresee a time when dad would no longer be available.


If I try to talk H out of fixing things, he gets VERY angry, even if I put it in the most mildest terms.   He views any hesitation on my part as a "lack of trust."   It's a memoryless system.   H forgets the previous disasters.  I try to tell him it's not worth the stress.  We can afford to pay someone to fix these things.