Submitted by Bamaguy on 11/13/2012.
So, I'm slightly under 30 and she's slightly over It's EXTREMELY early in the relationship, but I'd rather know what I'm getting into before one of us is set up for heartbreak. I'm the guy, btw.
We've both had bad luck with serious relationships. I'm divorces, and she broke up with a long term fiance a while back.
I'm not currently diagnosed with add, but I have all the symptoms: disorganisation, I become infatuated with women easily, I have to be careful to not rant and rant about things I care about, other times when I'm having a serious conversation, i'll blink and totally forget what I was talking about. Not the sentance, but the whole conversation.
Because I was never diagnosed, I never considered it a weakness or flaw- just a weird character trait.
Recently, I've met an amazing woman. We met as friends and started talking/texting. She told me (jokingly I thought) I wouldn't want to date her because she's "crazy". She listed why, and it wasn't a short list: history of drugs/alcohol, attempted suicide, way oversensitive, fragile/broken self esteem...
Perhaps foolishly, I focused on the fact that I've gone through similiar things and could help her. (be her rock, etc)
Anyways, my biggest problem at the moment (maybe not related to add at all :( ) is hard to explain..
Lets say me and her do something fun, we'll call it "Y"
Evidently I'm not expressive enough, so she believes I didn't enjoy "Y"
After going back and forth between "I liked it!" "No you didn't.", she ends up saying she feels bad and never wants to do "Y" again.
Any tips?
I'm not putting all the blame on her, I definately have my own problems (Like not expressing emotions, other than "I love you" so fast it's silly. I learned early on to keep the L-words to myself for a while.
Newly Dating
Submitted by cate8 on
Gosh, I have to say I really respect your your girlfriends honesty!! It sounds like she's been through the ringer emotionally and as you say has pretty poor self esteem.. is she currently see a therapist? if not then it sounds like she really needs to make time for it. I say this as someone with ADHD myself, who is currently about to start seeing a therapist again ( Ive never fully commited to it before )
In my opionion, as a woman in a marriage with both partners having ADHD ( currently separated but hopeful of reconcilliation ) its very important that both partners are having therapy individually and perhaps together in the future?? My husband and I have muddled through ever since we were both diagnosed two years and here we are today, trying to repair our battered relationship.. If you really believe you have a future, then I would make it a prioroty for both of you to work out some of your issues first, before you get too far into the relationship.. you say you become quickly infatuated, what will happen when that infatuation wears off?? do you think you will be able to fully commit to the relationship? if theres problems now so early, what will happen down the track? Your girlfriend really needs to spend time on self development and personal growth ( and I say this as I recognise myself in some of her behaviour ) if she's unwlling, I don't truly it would be possible to have a successful relationship. All the best to both of you :)