Dealing with conflicts stemming from early relationship habits

Thanks for reading! 

I will be the first to say that I can be a bit "dramatic" or harp over issues that in hindsight may not be as important as they were in the moment. With that said I (the non-ADHD spouse) am looking for ways to deal. Since the start of our 3 years of marriage I have always felt that I was ignored and didn't matter much in comparison to others with regard to my husband. An example of this would be our first wedding anniversary. My mother-in-law decided she would move states last minute and called my husband to catch a plane and help her move. He agreed without even realizing that this should (and would) be a serious blow to me. Every year since I have hopelessly dreamed (even voiced my intent) that we would plan (TOGETHER) an anniversary trip but it always resulted in me planning and him doing his usual Facebook obsession. 

Fast forward three years and nothing has changed (not even the hours on Facebook). He will go to the moon and back for anyone but ignore even the most simple request from me. I think a lot of arguments stem from my jealousy and feeling that I'm in competition with everyone due to always being put on the back burner. I desperately wanted a wedding but we didn't have one, although I know I played a part in choosing to marry him anyway, it hurts that we don't even have a picture of the day. As such, I have asked a few times for us to renew our vows to help fill that empty hole. I don't think this is a major request. 

Alas, the real reason I am writing this! My husband agreed to be a groomsmen in a wedding, this probably shouldn't bother me but it does for several reasons. 1) It is the immediate weekend following my defense of my dissertation for my PhD!!!!! so I would like at least a mild celebration 2) We volunteered for our daughters school event a few hours the same day as the wedding 3) I planned a surgery a few weeks before and don't know how well I will feel (we have no family here) 4) Most importantly, I have resentment that he would want to partake in someone else's wedding when he refuses to care about us renewing our vows (our pseudo-wedding). Even more, when I brought it up a while ago, I found a beautiful dress for a really good price and he felt like it was a waste of money.

We are taking a vacation with both our families a few days after graduation (4 weeks after his friends wedding) and this cruise would be a great time to renew. The constant being ignored and feeling of little to no importance seems to manifest in many scenarios and I am unsure how to deal with it.

I do so much for our family, I am not asking for a reward or a cookie but just to be appreciated. He literally has to just go to work each day, everything else it taken care of by me while working full time doing scientific research (draining and takes 40-60 hours a week of my time) in addition to raising 3 children (8,3 &1). I feel he should want to make me happy because of all I do and I ask for little in return. His only drive to live seems to be for himself. 

Advice please!