I've had a very stressful few days. My husband has been at home more (he usually spends four days a week helping his elderly parents) because one of my daughters is about to return to college. She'll be driving with my husband.
Repeating past patterns, while everyone has been at home, I've been doing the lion's share of the housework and other family-related chores. I'm also the only person with a paid job right now (my daughters work at college but don't have summer jobs). I've never adjusted well to what appears to be my designated role as the "house elf" (Harry Potter fans will know what I'm referring to). So, yes, I've been a bit on edge, trying not to be but finding it hard to avoid it because I'm so tired.
Tomorrow, my older daughter and my husband are supposed to leave on their trip. I knew that my husband would need to be working on the car they're taking and so I mentally "released" him from helping at all around the house last week. I did say to him, however, that because i had a lot of work to do and because I'm told, and I acknowledge, that I'm sometimes overcontrolling, I would not be involving myself with trip preparations unless I was asked or told that my help was needed. (My husband also says that he never asks for my help, and thus I"m the "needy" one.)
Tuesday went by. Wednesday went by. Thursday, early afternoon, my husband came into the house and told me that the trip might need to be delayed because the car needed a major repair. Since then, he has been working constantly on the car. I've been doing all the housework and other family-related chores, as expected, plus I've been helping my daughter get ready to go back.
Note the result: I ended up doing a lot of the trip preparation, not because my husband asked for help, but because otherwise it wouldn't have gotten done. So, husband gets a lot of help without having to appear "needy"; I become even more tired and stressed. I believe the ADHD was the cause of at least three things: my husband not helping around the house in general; my husband not anticipating that there might be problems with the car; and my husband not being willing to acknowledge that I was going to end up doing everything else if he were devoted to repairing the car, which he did end up having to do.
Any tips for the future? Frankly, I don't think my husband is going to change. I'm so close to separating from him, but I feel I might at least ask.