My husband was diagnosed about six months ago, and has been taking meds, which seems to help. We have been on a bit of a rollercoaster ride since then - coming to grips with this has not been easy on both of us (not least because for about a year before the diagnosis, I was at my wits' end, and wondering how much more of the marriage I could take).
We had a discussion this afternoon where my husband mentioned that he's just tired of dealing with all this, with having to try so hard to cope with ADD. He said something along the lines of, "I didn't ask for this. I am trying really hard to make progress, and it just seems that everything that is wrong with our marriage is because of the ADD". I understand that this is maybe just a phase of coming to terms with it, but his despondency is not easy for me to deal with. Paraplegics also didn't ask for it either, but they learn to deal with their disabilities. ADD is the same thing - he's got it, and if he doesn't want it to continue affecting his life negatively, he needs to learn to deal with it. We've started reading Dr Hallowell's book "Delivered from Distraction", and in it he stresses that ADD is only a disorder if you don't learn how to stop it from negatively affecting your life.
No, he didn't ask for this condition. And no, I didn't ask to be married to someone with ADD. But we need to learn how to adjust and cope. I just don't know how to communicate this to him without him continuing to feel sorry for himself. I decided not to bring up the paraplegic example, since I wasn't sure how he would take it - often when I do things like that it actually makes the situation worse. I think I probably sound like a stuck record when I keep saying, "life's not fair, you need to accept that and work with it."