Dealing with finance-related frustrations

I just finished filling out my child's college financial aid application.  My husband used to do the taxes and financial aid applications, but this year, I took over these chores because of my husband's ADHD.  Doing these things causes me a great deal of anxiety because of our financial situation (husband is chronically underemployed and not looking for work), but I'm committed to getting the job done.  So, first, my husband suggested not including all his income on the tax forms (he works for his dad part-time as a caregiver).  I said that I was going to put down the income, because as his spouse, I could be held liable for his cheating on taxes.  Then, today, I discovered that my husband might have greatly underreported a certain number last year, thus making it look as though we did something shady with our money this year.  I am very stressed by this. 

I'm sure that I'll figure out some resolution.  But it is very disheartening to me that my spouse tries to cheat like this.  Do other people have ADHD spouses who do stuff like this?  To add to this, we can't talk about finances.  I mean, we can, but my husband always says that talking about these issues makes him feel guilty, defensive, and too aware of his inadequacies.  So, I take that as a form of "off-the-table-itis," meaning a response that effectively makes a topic impossible to discuss. 

I'd appreciate any thoughts people have about the issue of evading the law (and also some sympathy, if you can spare a bit; I don't usually ask for anything but I'm really depressed now).

 

ADD Finance Guy

When my wife and I got married, she had been a book keeper, so I figured she Had to be better a the bill paying and so on. Before we were married we had separate accounts and I was a Quicken fanatic. I was so incredibly focused on keeping my ducks in a row. My impulsive spending and never really knowing what was in the account got me into trouble a lot. I learned about Quicken and used it religiously and even paid my bills "On-Line" before people knew what On-Line was. (1993). It took a while, since I was a pretty oblivious undiagnosed ADDer, but I realized the paying the bills was Extremely stressful for my DW. I a rare moment of clarity, long before Adderall, I asked her if I could take over the financial tasks and have handled the finances since 2003. As far as the IRS goes, I guess the risk of lying about income and the probability of being caught out-weighed the fear of facing a tax return where he owed the IRS. 

As far as handling money, guilt and so on, I understand a bit because when my DW paid the bills, I never knew how much was in the account and when impulsive purchases were made, I often put us behind the 8 ball. By paying the bills, I have found that not only does it force me to face financial reality, but it help US because I would setup the bills and if the pay period was going to be brutal, I could give the heads up to my DW too. She can get a little carried away at times too. 

The ADD has improved the financial situation here. Maybe my suspected OCD in some areas have helped me here ;)