Dear Husband,

I am so grateful to you that you have accepted this process of looking at yourself, and accepting this diagnosis of ADD.

I am so grateful to you that you so whole heartedly want to make these positive changes so that we can stay married.

I am sorry for all the times I have focused on the negative and not the positive.

I am sorry for not being able to truly understand what it's like inside your head.

I am sorry for all the times I've told you I felt like you weren't trying, when you honestly were.

I love that fact that you are Always Ready For A Hug, even when I am not.

I love that you can look at a problem that I have absolutely no answer for, and you are able to instantly solve it with your "outside the box" thinking.

I love that you Always Make Me Laugh.

I love that you are able to almost instantly forgive me for my wrongs.

I am sorry that I have not been able to instantly forgive yours.

I am sorry that you're struggling so hard to get these symptoms under control.

I promise that I will always be here to hold your hand when you need strength.

I promise that from now on I will actively seek out all the positives I see, and make you well aware of them.

I promise that I will be a shoulder to cry on as you wade through the hurt and pain.

I promise that I will be here by your side as your cheerleader as we go through life together.

I promise that I will snuggle with you more, even if "I'm not feeling it" because I know it's not just something that you need, but is essential for your emotional survival.

I am grateful, I am sorry, I am in love with you, and I promise you - forever.

Love, Your Wife.

keep passing the open windows

If only you were my wife. I have ADHD and my wife has seen and read similar lists but refuses to accept that she must make any changes to accommodate me. I am inclined to agree after finally realizing the pain and emotional I have inflicted on her. ADHD is a collection of symptoms and behaviors present in everyone but for someone with ADHD those symptoms create an impairment so significant that daily events and relationships are ..... and thoughts trail off and go in all directions. Do this for about 10 years and it's practically abuse. How is this any different from a "normal" hurtful, selfish or insensitive person? Should individuals with mean personalities also have their negative behaviors overlooked? Maybe not - unless they are so uncontrollably mean that it becomes an impairment. Like my inability to comprehend simple requests from my wife is an impairment. The difference is I get medication and a "reason" for why I am a poor partner, friend or spouse most of the time.

No disrespect, but I can't tell if someone who is supportive and kind to an individual who is habitually insensitive and inattentive, albeit as a result of a cruel and unavoidable reality, is expressing true love or possibly an unhealthy pattern of codependency and enablement.

Who really needs the help and is there a happy ending?

So we dream on, inventing our lives; a little lost sister, a saintly mother, a hero father. But our dreams escape us however vividly we imagine them. There's only one thing you can do, keep passing the open windows. -- John Irving 

The good news is he is NOT

The good news is he is NOT habitually insensitive and inattentive. I only wrote that to him and feel that way because of the fact that he HAS accepted the ADHD and IS committed to working on it, and for the tremendous changes he HAS made. This would have been a whole different post if he had never accepted the diagnosis, or agreed to work on himself. His negative behaviors are NOT overlooked, thanks to my own personal commitment to my boundaries (I make him very aware that I will NOT tolerate behaviors that are hurtful).

I think everyone in the world could benefit from some type of help, and I don't look to the ending - I enjoy the present and try to make it as happy as I can in the moment.