i am the non-ADHD fiance for 7 years to a man with ADHD as well as sex addiction (SA). He was only diagnosed in the last 2 months. I knew very early on that he was exceedingly messy. But since he was away about 75% of the time and had his own home I could cope. I would happily clean up after my week with him and live normally until the chaos of another week with him. I found out shortly after this the cheating and it took me 2 years to realize he also has a sex addiction (craigslist, prostitutes are his thing).
- he does agree he has ADD and SA
- he is very thoughtful and kind for the most part
- he can be relied upon in emergency situations
- I myself have a chronic illness and he has no issue with it
- he has taken some steps (2 appts with a sex addiction counsellor, 1 group SA meeting) but obviously not nearly enough, reading some books (Patrick Carnes)
- inability for us to communicate in a way to resolve problems - eg. I told him it seemed he didn't have much motivation and he took it to mean he was always wrong and was sick of the complaints. He then demanded solutions and I responded that I did have some ideas but it's not possible to share them if I 'can't get to that point in the conversation'
- very risky investments cost him $100,000 that I know of
- projects that should take 2 days not done in well over a month is typical
- in a chronic state of mess and chaos in the house
- chronic disappointment - eg I'[ll do this today and it NEVER gets done
- unrealistic ideas such as inviting guests for a weekend without telling me so I can prepare and not even having a place for them to sleep
- hard to get in any time with him as he is always so busy on goodness knows what
- just can't seem to priortize on what is important eg . will work on fixing old useless cell phones that should be tossed while he is jobless and should be looking for work
Does this all sound typical ? I feel like a nag for even writing it out but it has been so stressful I finally moved out of our home into an apartment just so I could feel good in my home due to not having a mess everywhere and him in a constant state of emergency.